Odds and Ends

I really don’t feel like writing a full-fledged article/rant on anything today, mainly because I can’t decide which of the many subjects I want to rant on to rant on today, so I’ll just post a few random thoughts about a few random things…

1. Since this is a new blog, and I am a new blogger, I get incredibly excited when I find that anyone is reading it and I’m not just wasting my time (although I’m pretty sure I’m still wasting my time). Let me just say that the “Hipster Douche” post has been somewhat of a hit. Google searches on “skinny jeans” and “hipster douches” have led straight to here. How exciting! My readership is literally in the almost-double digits every day! I didn’t really know there were so many fans/enemies of hipsters out there. So I guess in the interest of placating my (small) readership, expect more posts on hipster douches in the future. I’m going to go ahead and say hipster douche one more time; that should get me five more hits.

2. So I’m running yesterday, jamming out to “See You Again” by Vanity Fair cover girl Miley Cyrus (it’s a catchy song so bite me), when my throat starts burning and my nose starts running. Now, I like to look hot while I’m running and constantly wiping my nose does not help my image. I also needed to sneeze and I couldn’t for the life of me. I’ve lived in this area all my life and have never been allergic to anything, so I thought maybe the recent random weather stirred up something in the atmosphere that was making me sick. Was it pollen? Was it mold? According to the allergy forecast…

…it’s pecans! I’m allergic to fucking pecans! I didn’t even know you could be allergic to pecans! It’s the state tree of Texas! Am I allergic to Texas? I mean, I’ve always hated pecans, state tree be damned. So, crap, now I have to worry about pecans making me sick? Can I just not worry about something for a while? I mean…fuck! Pecans! Who’d have thought?

3. I like the new Weezer song precisely because it sounds like Weezer, but I don’t like the new Coldplay song precisely because it sounds like Coldplay.

4. Tomorrow is the Glow in the Dark show! If the pecans don’t get me first, my heart might explode with excitement!

Change You Can Xerox: The 2008 Presidential Primaries!

I’ve always been kind of politically apathetic. There are issues that concern me and stances that I would like taken, but living as I do in Texas, and my political leanings being as they are, and the candidates that are selected for us to choose from, I never really gave politics much thought. “What’s the point anyway?” I thought. This is a sentiment I’m sure is shared by many people my age, people out of college and thrust into the real world who rather than face reality with a smile on their face retreat into depression and apathy and episodes of Gossip Girl (seriously, why is that show a hit? I blame my age group).

But like those same apathetic lost sheep, I’ve changed my tune this political season. I’ve suddenly come to the conclusion that, you know, things are kinda going south right now. Not just for the rest of the world, they’ve always been screwed up. I’m talking specifically about America. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older, or things really have just gotten that bad, but everyone just seems so damn miserable all the time. And I don’t think I really need to list out any reasons why people are miserable as that would just make you more miserable than you already are. Point is, things suck right now and for once I’m going to lay my cynicism and distrust of the government aside and believe that change is possible.

As someone who leans Democratic (more on that in a sec), I think it’s awesome that we have the two candidates that we have now. Two people who have inspired someone as apathetic as me to really care about the direction our country is taking and believe that maybe they can do something right for a change.

And of course they are pissing it all away. Thus far, Hillary Clinton has been my man but the longer this thing drags out, the harder it’s going to be come November for someone not named John McCain to enter the White House.

People have asked me why I even picked Hilary in the first place instead of joining the First Church of Obama with everyone else. Well, like anything else in my life, it was determined by a quiz I took online (for the record, living your life in this manner is not the best way to get things done). I really wanted to research ALL the candidates before I made my choice, so I had to know exactly what my political leanings were in the first place. I’ve always thought of myself as extremely liberal when it comes to social issues and fairly moderate on the economic side of things.

But as it turns out I’m a borderline socialist, pretty much the opposite of moderate. This came as a surprise to me as I usually consider socialists to be A) Swedish or B) pinko Commie nutcases or C) hipster douchebags. When I really sat down to think about my political leanings, I came to the conclusion that maybe a little government involvement in the economy ain’t such a bad thing. Deep down, it would be great if there were no government and people helped each other and puppies frolicked and all that stuff. And I think conservative ideals towards the economy are really great in theory: it’s my money, I should do what I want with it, leave me alone. But if you think that, then why have a government in the first place? If we’re going to go through all the trouble of setting this thing up, then I believe that the government should provide for the people and help them achieve the best life possible. Even if that means higher taxes or government involvement. On social issues, I did about what I expected. No matter what economic plan they offer, I will probably never vote for a Republican based on the party’s stance on certain social issues.

So anyway, now that you’ve stopped reading, I chose Hilary mainly for four reasons. One, she seemed to conform with my new political awakening. Two, I decided health care was the major issue this time (if we’re going to fix one thing, let’s make it that) and her plan is the one that really stands out and she has fought this battle before. Three, the test told me I should vote for her. And four, every time I see a picture of her from behind and I see that all those campaign trail doughnuts have cascaded to her thighs, I feel so, so, so sorry for her.

And this is not to say that I don’t like Barack Obama. I like him a lot, in fact. He says things that no other politician would dare say. That thing about people clinging to God and their guns? Genius. And as I touched on earlier, I almost kinda wish he would just go ahead and win to get the thing over with. Because the Democratic party is tearing itself apart right now when what we really need is cohesiveness. It would kill me if this election is lost before it has even begun because we could not stop fighting ourselves.

But in closing let me say this. Both of these candidates have campaigned on messages of hope and change and electrified the electorate (that’s a cool phrase) unlike anyone I can remember (and I really only remember Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Bush, Kerry, and Al Gore, so make of that what you will). And one of them damn well better deliver on some of their promises. Because if I get this fired up, and they get into office, and things don’t change or get worse, then I’m done. I’m through. My heart will be broken and I will never care about anything again as far as politics are concerned. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Gossip Girl is on.

So that was my first serious post. Anyway, this made me laugh for like five minutes…

Less than a week in and I’m already talking politics and posting funny pictures of cats. Is this a mothafuckin blog or what?!?

Because Deep Down, We All Want to Wear Skinny Jeans

Over the course of the last month or so, and especially since the soul-crushing, traffic-destroying, locals-and-normal-people-aren’t-going SXSW rolled into town, I have thrown the term “hipster douche” around with surprising frequency. This kinda surprises me, as I really don’t think I ever had any sort of problem with this subset of people until recently. I didn’t go into their areas (stopped going to Spider House a long time ago) and they stayed out of mine (I’m at Half Price Books a lot, which would seem to be a primo hipster hangout. Maybe they got a memo that I was there and they stayed away).

So I want to talk briefly today about hipsters and who they are and what they mean to me. But first things first: am I a hipster? I think its safe to say that I have many hipster tendencies, just as everyone is a little bit of everything (we’re all half gay, just so you know, we’re all a little bit country, a little rock and roll, that sort of thing). As someone who holds a degree in film, a little hipster-ness is hardwired into my DNA, and I can always see myself as someone who will forever strive to stay young and cool when I am neither nor have I ever been either (you follow?). I also listen to Journey un-ironically (hipster word). So, yeah, I have tendencies. I mean, I have a blog, for Dylan’s sake! That’s pretty hipster douchey!

But I can’t believe anything about myself until I take an online quiz about it. However in my online search I could find no such quiz that I thought would give any sort of accurate gauge. They were all snarky and ironic and sarcastic and unhelpful. Why? BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL WRITTEN BY HIPSTERS! I’m just going to have to wing it from here on out. And by “wing it,” I mean use Wikipedia.

Are hipsters an attitude? A clothing style? A musical preference? Are they just figments of our imagination the psyche creates as a target for all of our anger and aggression and need to lash out at something? As with everything, it’s a little bit of all of the above. While clothing style is the most obvious outward sign (skinny jeans and tight black shirts and pompadour haircuts and tats, my God, the tats!), I think my real issue here is attitude.

I am a person who likes what I like and I don’t really care what other people think. This has not always been the case, as the people who know me are no doubt aware. But if I like a band, I like a band. If Armageddon happens to be one of my favorite movies, then it’s one of my favorite movies. But traditional pop culture attitudes would stipulate that only certain bands are worthy of a listen and only certain movies are worthy of a viewing.

And for the record, I think Aerosmith is better than Radiohead, and the French New Wave can suck my nuts.

So it’s the elitist attitude I have a problem with (do only elitists use the term elitists? It’s a question to ponder, to be sure, but I digress). And this isn’t just true of hipsters, it’s true of EVERYBODY. It’s that desire to be the coolest kid on the block, and I see hipsters as a manifestation of this gone out of control, just like the frat boy attitude. Yes, I am comparing hipster and fratties. Do not turn your nose up at me!

But oh oh, Austin, let’s step back here for a moment. If you have a problem with hipsters and their elitist attitude, doesn’t that make you one of them? Doesn’t having an elitist attitude about elitist attitudes sort of make you a hypocrite? Maybe it’s not them with the problem but YOU? After all, you are speaking in the third person. My response? I’m just posing questions here, not answering them. Can’t we all just get along?

It’s questions like these that make Austin such a fascinating place to live it (my city is better than your city, by the way). It’s the liberal hideaway of Texas that at times can seem liberating and at other times seem forced and calculated and as closed-minded as the rest of the state but in a totally different way. Does that make any sense? ‘Cause my brain hurts. This discussion verged off onto a tangent but I think I got to the heart of the problem: I’m mostly just pissed off I didn’t get to go to SXSW (okay, not really). It’s something I don’t have an answer to, or a well-informed opinion on for that matter, and I’ll probably address it again in the future. Because have you ever screamed out “hipster douche!”? It’s quite liberating.

If anyone is reading yet, I would love to hear your thoughts. I feel that I got nowhere with this.

Being Honest With Myself and You, the Reader

It’s my second day and I already have blog writer’s block. I feel that we don’t know each other well enough to get into any heady philosophical discussions and nothing of note really happened in the world at large or in my world today…yet. I’ll probably regret that last sentence if the world ends tonight.

So I thought I’d learn a little more about myself and share my findings with you.

I have always considered myself to be just a tad on the dorky side. I’ve never been too eaten up with any one thing, and I do enough cool things to offset my dorkiness (like binge drinking), but I know a little too much about, say, The Battle of Yavin to be a normal guy, and people have described my apartment as something a five-year old would dream of (I disagree, but I’m also delusional).

I know there are going to be plenty of dorky postings on this site, so I wanted to know just how dorky I actually was. Using a random test that I found on Google, I have been identified as a Modern, Cool Nerd. The numerical breakdown is as follows: 52% Nerd, 56% Geek, 17% Dork.

This made me happy, as did this description: “The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgeable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)! Congratulations!” I mean, it even congratulated me at the end. That means I won, right? And I’d always used the term “dorky” cause, I dont know, its more fun to spell, but a dork is someone who is socially awkward apparently and that is soooooo not me.

So Modern, Cool Nerd it is folks. As a reader to this site, you should now feel confident that you are getting the best information from the best and hippest source. And when I do talk about something “geeky,” thats okay cause geeks (I like that better than nerd) are in now and I’m one of the cool ones. (Thank God they didn’t ask me if I had a sword from The Legend of Zelda in my apartment or I would have been screwed [for the record, it was a gift]).

As a side note, out of curiosity, I took the test labeled Are You Gay? Unlike the whole nerdiness thing, I’m pretty sure I know where I stand on this one but I just wanted to see what the test would say and thereby judge how accurate the Nerd test had been. The first question was: “Do you enjoy sex with men?” Talk about a loaded question. I mean, do you even need anymore? I didn’t finish the test.

A Typical Commute

Okay, I’m gonna skip the getting to know you stuff that people usually put in their first posts and just jump right into it. 

I almost got ran over yesterday. 

It’s no secret that the traffic in this city kinda…sucks…but I’ve never felt myself to be in any sort of mortal danger, especially when on foot. But I was walking to my parking garage yesterday, enjoying the warm temperature, admiring the crystal blue sky, and whistling “I’ll Fly Away” with a smile on my face and a prayer in my heart (okay, not really). I crossed the street when the little man told me to and this car DOES NOT EVEN SLOW DOWN and just about clips my leg off. I’m talking, he was close enough that I slammed my hand down on the hood. Luckily, I had a bum crossing behind me who yelled out “He almost hit you!” like five seconds after it happened. Yeah, thanks man, I still don’t have any change. 

But the guy did not even slow down nor did he acknowledge in any way his douchey-ness. It’d have been one thing if he had yelled out “Sorry!” as he was driving off and, I don’t know, thrown me some money (if the bum didn’t get there first). So, I’m shaken. I live such a sheltered, non-dangerous life that my brain interpreted this as a near-death experience when if I had actually gotten run over instead of just almost the worst that would have happened would be me getting just slightly more pissed off. 

But oh oh, boys and girls, the commute did not end there. I typically get into five near-wrecks on my short trek down Lamar when coming home from work. I’m not going to lie, they are occasionally my fault (this usually coincides with a Justin Timberlake song on the radio…he tends to distract me). But 95% of the time, people are just complete dicks. You know this and I know this so I don’t really have to go into any detail (but if you’re driving a BMW, fuck you). We are living in a SOCIETY with RULES, which means red means red and stop means stop and my blinking light means that I need to get over and I know that you see me so quit pretending to talk on your phone cause you know you don’t have any real friends anyway. 

Moral of the story: don’t be a douche when you drive. And if you almost hit someone, make sure it’s not me. I don’t think I could handle another near death experience. 

Welcome to my blog. More fun to follow!