Odds and Ends 3

-What a week.

-So Lost wrapped up its fourth season last night, and it got me thinking (like things tend to do). When the show first began, and well into its third season, the plot was completely all over the place. The pacing was slow, and there was no forward momentum to the story for episodes at a time. Since then, the creators have set an end date for the series and a count of the number of episodes remaining. On top of that, this season (which was already going to be short to begin with) was cut even shorter by the writer’s strike. So what we ended up with were 13 episodes that had very little fat and the narrative momentum of a bullet train. This should be a good thing, right? It’s what we wanted, right? Now I’m not so sure. The story moved maybe too fast, to the point where I kinda forgot what was going on at some points. I’m used to watching Lost through a glaze, really only paying attention when the music peps up. I’ve had to retrain my brain to watch everything, cause almost everything was important. And the character development, something I always griped about cause I want to know what that fucking polar bear is, was kind of missed this season. I want to know more about all the new people on the island, like Miles and Faraday. I hope the writers are able to strike a good balance next season. And speaking of next season, the way it was set up last night, it could be really intriguing or excruciatingly boring. I’m talking beginning-of-Season-Three, sitting-in-cages, Kate-flashback-episode boring. The episode last night was good, though.

-There are tribes out there that have not come into contact with the modern world. I find this beyond fascinating. I mean, can you imagine? The world is supposedly so advanced, and there are tribes out there like this? Shooting arrows at planes? Absolutely fascinating. I kinda want to join them. I’m sure the rent is low. Unless they make you put your hands in gloves covered with flesh-eating ants as an initiation. That would suck.

-How is getting all gussied up and standing in line for Sex and the City somehow acceptable but dressing up to a Star Wars movie is not?

Oh, wait. Never mind.

-In closing, I would like to congratulate my sister Jill, who is graduating from Gatesville High School this evening in a ceremony that might attract national attention, if our family barbecue doesn’t beat them to the punch (it could get wild). So now both my siblings will have moved on and my parents will be empty nesters. Time marches on, I suppose.

Millennials: Talking About My Generation

So I was all prepared today to share my review of Indiana Jones. But then I came across this article and this video and felt that I had to share and comment on them.

Basically they talk about “Millennials,” formally known as “Generation Y.” This covers, roughly, people born from 1980 to 1992, according to the 60 Minutes report. Your grandparents are the Greatest Generation. Your parents are Baby Boomers. The guy at Blockbuster is Generation X. And you (and me) are “millennials.” (And if you aren’t, look at you! You’re using a computer all by yourself!)

Basically, old people are getting their shit freaked out because a new generation of worker is entering the workforce who, A) knows how to use a computer, B) can multitask, and C) was absolutely waited on hand and foot as a kid. We don’t like to be yelled at. We never stop listening to our iPods. We’re self centered. We’re trying to make the world a better place through the safety of our parent’s bank account. Did I mention we DO NOT like to be yelled at?

Now, I don’t have too much to add to the description of “millennials” that the article and video don’t already cover. It’s standard “damn kids get off my lawn!” bullshit. But I do have a few comments in the way of a rebuttal.

If you don’t like the way we act, then it’s your own fault cause you created us! You coddled us and made us play soccer and created iPods and now you’re all surprised how we turned out? It is true we are materialistic and self absorbed, but the corporations (ie: old people) are just perpetuating that image. And not all of us are like the way we are described in the video. As much as I hate it and DO want to move back in with my parents, I have a job that I show up to on time (except when I’m hungover). I don’t expect things to be given to me (except decent healthcare). And my mom has never called my boss (although I almost wanted her to, once, when he made me cry, but I digress).

And before you think everything is happy-go-lucky in my generation, we still have a huge dose of cynicism and are as moody and emotional as fuck. We’re completely insecure. We’re sarcastic and cruel. And we don’t blindly trust the government as the article suggests. If each generation is just an extension of the previous one, we’re pretty much just Gen Xers with text messaging. And just a little more ambition. All I’m trying to say is we can be optimistic, but we’re not delusional as the old people seem to think. Yeah. We know. Life sucks. Thanks for sending us that message loud and clear.

As this rebuttal article points out (which is a little less random and all over the place than mine), we kinda have an uphill battle. Previous generations are making sure we never get that dream job or that we are even able to afford a house! We have tons of debt because you made us go to college and get a useless degree and buy stuff on a credit card we can’t afford. Fuck it, I’m getting too depressed. If there’s any silver lining, it’s that maybe, just maybe, we can transform the government or the workplace into something that works for us instead of against us. Is it wrong to expect a good job and a decent living? Why don’t we help each other achieve that instead of trying to hold us back from all sides? Of course, that is putting waaaaaaay to much faith in people like me. Remember, we’re still cynical!

In closing, I would like to point out that I am updating my blog while listening to my iPod and texting and reading several articles all at the same time. And eating ice cream. And wearing flip flops. And I’m at work.

Arm Storm ‘08: Tonight, I Burn My Sling

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel! I finally got a cast on Friday. It’s blue (did you see that one coming?) and waterproof! The same nurse from a few weeks ago put it on, and he still hates his job and wasn’t afraid to let me know it, but I didn’t care cause I was so happy to get out of the sling. I go in in the middle of June to get it taken off and hopefully this whole mess will be behind me. Also, I can type just a wee bit better so I’ll start updating more with new rants. I know you’ve been waiting for them! 

On top of the arm, I am still dealing with the effects of Hail Storm ‘08. My windows are fixed (they were boarded up for a while) but my car is going to cost a bit to fix. Who cares. I have a cast. 

And I still haven’t seen Indy yet so stop asking me questions and telling me about it! I’m going this weekend and will have a full report. 

Yeah, I Named My Dog ‘Indiana.’ I’m a Real Fan!

I’m going to forgo talking about my arm for now because I am officially sick of it. Just to catch you up, the surgery went fine as far as I know. They pumped me so full of drugs that I had no idea what was going on for most of the weekend. Then yesterday all those drugs left me at once. Talk about a hangover! My headache was so bad I couldn’t even move my head. As always, there’s lots of funny (to me) stuff to talk about, but I’ll talk about it later ’cause, like I said, I’m just tired of talking about it right now.

I want to do an actual post today. During my illness this weekend, I watched some of my favorite movies: The Goonies and the Indiana Jones trilogy. The Goonies is still the best thing ever except now I can’t watch it without getting sad because I want to be a kid again and I swear these drugs are turning me into a PMS-y woman, emotions running uncontrolled all over the place (see: Friday Night Lights). I can pretty much put the thing on mute and quote the thing exactly from beginning to end.

But I want to talk about Indiana Jones today because apparently there’s a new movie coming out this weekend. To say that I am excited about it is a bit of an understatement. Since it was announced, I’ve avoided spoilers, plot descriptions, everything except the trailers because I want to go in knowing nothing and have absolutely no expectations (good or bad). Luckily the new Star Wars movies taught us a thing or two about expectations.

But reviews are starting to come in and, surprise, they’re mixed. Apparently Harrison Ford is old (d’ya think?) and the movie is too goofy. Too goofy? The movie is too goofy? Not serious enough? Have you ever seen the old ones? Well, I have. I watched them again this weekend, as I said. To this day, I still have not come across three more exciting and fun movies. Everything about them — the plots, the jokes, the set pieces, the music, the actors — is A-plus, popcorn movies designed to be remembered for generations. Raiders is the best, technically, as it introduced archeology to the world (before this movie, archeology didn’t exsist). Lots of people rag on Temple of Doom and while it has its problems (coughdirectorswifecough) it’s still a hell of a lot of fun. And The Last Crusade is probably my favorite, just because Sean Connery is awesome.

And the movies are as corny and goofy as hell. The plots have a million holes. The acting is over the top. The action sequences make no sense. The jokes are pretty dumb. I mean, they’re based on ’30s movie serials, not the freaking Bible. And they are all the better because of it.

Now the new movie comes out and its too silly. And this, of course, is part of a larger problem. People expect too much out of these sorts of things, especially when they are based on old franchises. When the new Star Wars movies came out, people said they were too kiddy. Once again, did it not occur to you that the old ones were kid’s movies and pretty stupid themselves? We live in a world where geeks run the hype machine, where fanboys obsess over every detail relating to a movie. And we want everything dark and realistic and just like it was (even if it wasn’t dark in the first place. See: Star Wars). The movie can be no good unless the hero is a humorless twisted lost soul who has to take revenge on everyone and everything. We want our heroes brooding, we want them dark. No fun can enter the frame. This mentality even affected the new TMNT movie. A story about four turtles who morph into humans after coming into contact with radioactive ooze and are trained in the martial arts by their sensei/rat and eat pizza and skateboard for fun was apparently “too kiddie” and needed to be darkened up a bit. Are you serious?

What happened to having fun at the movies? Life sucks too much, at least make the movie not suck. And it’s okay to be serious but don’t loose your sense of fun too! I think Spider Man 2 is the best example in recent memory of a movie that balanced this pretty well. It was exciting and you cared about the characters and they had emotions and brooded and everything. But it still had a sense of humor about it. Part 3? Too goofy, the opposite of what I’m talking about.

So to bring it full circle, I can’t wait to see Indiana Jones this weekend. I’ll probably love it. Will it be as good as the old ones? No, because it hasn’t lived in my brain for twenty-something years. Just as long as it’s fun and not boring. I urge everyone who sees it to keep their expectations in check and don’t forget to have fun instead of counting all the ways Spielberg and Lucas screwed up. To borrow a quote from another movie I can’t wait to see, “Why so serious?”

Also, a quick note here. Why aren’t there any new movie franchises not based on something. Indiana Jones was original when it came out. How come everything has got to be based on a book or a remake or something? I mean, I know the answer is money. But Spielberg and Lucas have enough? How about something original, guys?

How I felt yesterday…

Arm Storm ‘08: T-Minus Three Days Until I Become Part Machine

A rough artist’s rendering of my x-ray results. Not to scale. 

 

So I finally got to see the specialist today, after ten days of telling people “I don’t know what the hell is going on!” I also finally got to see my x-rays, which were cool. And by cool, I mean I have no idea what I was looking at. It could have been my arm or it could have been my lung, I have no idea, I’m not a doctor. I just smiled and nodded like I do with everything. 

Story still applies: the arm is broken in three places right near the wrist, which allows for maximum clusterfuck conditions. It can’t be fixed with a cast, that would be too simple. I need surgery to put pins in my wrist to make sure I don’t get arthritis when I’m thirty. And the surgery is THIS FRIDAY!!! I don’t even have time to get all worked up about it! On the plus side, if I do get arthritis, I can blame it on the surgery and not constant…you know what, never mind. 

When they took my arm out of the sling, I wanted to run away and cry. My arm looked like Karen Carpenter (that’s not being mean, it’s just the best simile I could come up with). The hair was all matted, the skin was red with splotches of yellow, and it hurt like a mofo. It was just…so sad looking. My arm looked like a zombie. That is, if a zombie and Karen Carpenter had a baby and that baby was just an arm and it was my arm. Make sense? Good. 

That’s all I really know at this point. And there’s actually not a whole lot to rant about. Except for the male nurse. I swear, I don’t know what’s up with “the help” at our local hospitals, but they probably all need to be replaced. I’m probably just mad at him cause he re-splinted my arm and had to bend my wrist back and it HURT LIKE HELL. Still does as I’m typing. But he was all telling me how he didn’t like his job (as he’s splinting my arm, mind you) and how he’s pissed off at the doctor (who seemed like a pleasant chap to me). I’m all, don’t tell me this stuff! And let me tell you some bad work stories. 

The waiting room was exciting because everyone was wearing like the exact same sling as me. We all swapped war stories. Most were car accidents or sports injuries. I was the only tanner in the room. Was kinda hoping someone was as dumb as me, but alas. 

And that’s the story so far. Sorry to keep bringing up my arm, but it’s the biggest story in my world at the moment. I’ll see you on the other side! 

Odds and Ends 2

-So today I returned to St. David’s to pick up x-rays for my appointment tomorrow morning (at 8…in Round Rock…oh my). The place is designed like the hedge maze from The Shining: it’s confusing, I’m lost, it’s cold, and there was probably a homicidal maniac stalking me with an ax at some point. Their pneumatic tube system wasn’t working, their elevators weren’t working (yeah, I know! Thank God the legs are okay), so I had to tunnel down to the basement on foot to get the film. Moral of the story: don’t go to St. David’s. Or maybe just don’t break your arm. But still, don’t go to St. David’s.

-My broken arm is starting to smell like Sex Panther…

-Wedding season is upon us. Or, as over-eating singles like me like to call it: “What Are All These Assholes Grinning About?” Season. And then I help myself to a piece of both the bride AND groom’s cake! South Beach that! Okay, I’m actually excited and happy for several of the weddings coming up. And by several, I mean one. I couldn’t be happier and I’m not even being sarcastic for a change. You know the one I’m talking about. As for the others? Who says I can’t have a third piece of cake?!? What is this…China?

-So I hear Speed Racer was bad. And I really wanted to see it because me and Jason Street… I mean Scott Porter… are like best friends. I saw Iron Man which I’d like to write a review on but don’t feel up to it. Short and sweet: it was really really good and I liked it a lot.

-Speaking of Jason Street, I’ve been watching a lot of Friday Night Lights during my time of need and I found that I am crying more than usual while watching it. As in, it’s happened several times. I’m man enough to admit it (or am I…?). But I’m also going to blame the Vicoden, which I’ve graduated to taking recreationaly.

-I can’t believe I shared that last point.

-If there are any misspelled words in here, don’t point them out. If you do, you’re the kind of kid that made fun of the special class playing kickball at recess. And you’ll probably end up in St. David’s for all eternity.

Arm Storm ‘08: An Update

Arm still in sling. Can’t see the specialist until Tuesday. If I had any lingering doubts about the need for health care reform, they have now been killed by the doctors at St. David’s. But thank you to everyone who has called or helped out!

My least favorite question is no longer, “So you live in Austin and your name is Austin?” It’s when people stare at my cast and ask, “Did you do something to your arm?” My response: I either glare like I do with the other question or say, “No, but my leg is killing me.”

There’s a lot more to tell and share, but typing ain’t like it used to be. Just know that I am fine, am not in horrible pain, and if I look like a hobo it’s only temporary. And if anyone wants to help with laundry that’d be great…yeah…

Somehow, It Was the Hipsters’ Fault…

 

So I managed to break my arm this weekend in three places. It makes it a little hard to type so the posts might be light for a while. But there will be many funny stories on the other side, I promise. In the mean time, enjoy Mario Kart Wii without me…

MPrint has a pretty good run down of the thing, if you are at all interested…

 

Mario Kart Wii: After Tackling I-35 on Friday Afternoon, Rainbow Road Ain’t No Thang!

I loved Super Mario Kart back in the day. Still do in fact. I really liked Mario Kart 64. I’m a little mixed on Double Dash, though. The game was still fun, but I don’t think the whole “two drivers” mechanic really added anything new to the system besides make it unnecessarily complicated (I know complicated is not the best word to describe Mario Kart).

The most exciting thing about the Wii, as it is with any new Nintendo system, is seeing how all of our old favorites are updated. Mario and Metroid both came out awesome, as did Legend of Zelda (even though they made Link right-handed which I had some issues with…how’s that for modern cool nerd?). On a system that has largely ignored the normal gamer in favor of the new, all-important “casual” gamer (by causal, they mean girls, three-year-olds, the elderly, and your mom), the old school Nintendo franchises have fared well for us old fans by still being, you know, games and not gimmicks.

But the Nintendo party games like Mario Kart and Smash Bros. are a different story. It’s not that they are bad games. In fact, they’re a hell of a lot of fun. Why? ‘Cause the one before it was fun, and the new one is the same game with slightly enhanced graphics. Super Smash Bros. Brawl is great and all but its pretty much the same game as Melee only with more shit thrown at you.

The exact same could be said about Mario Kart Wii. Played a Mario Kart game before? Great. You’ve played this one. Now, that’s not an entirely bad thing. Why mess up something that was just fine to begin with? And you’ve got online now. And motion controls. Those count for something, right?

First, the online. It’s awesome that you can race people half a world away or create ghosts on Time Trial tracks and then upload them for other people to challenge. But just like Brawl, the multiplayer in these games is the most fun when you are actually in the room with people, trash talking and throwing controllers and screaming and drinking and crying and what not. I tend to see online multiplayer modes in these games as a step backwards. It’s a great feature to have, just don’t skimp on the regular, four-controller mode, which Mario Kart Wii doesn’t. And it’s still fun…

…to a point. But along with introducing the casual gamer to games, Nintendo strives to equal the playing field. Their games are designed so that pros AND new players are on the exact same level most of the time. Where anyone can win at anytime. Think of the new Smash Ball in Brawl: it gives everyone a chance to win. I don’t think this is a bad thing, as it keeps the game interesting and keeps that one asshole from hogging the controller when you’re playing “winner stays in” (unless that asshole is me). But how does Nintendo level the playing field in this game? By making sure you are hit with some kind of projectile every waking second of your existence. It’s not even a racing game anymore. It’s a fucking third-person shooter. If you’ve made forward momentum for five consecutive seconds, consider yourself a master.

Kart kombat has always been one of the things that has made Mario Kart fun, and part of the strategy of the game. If you don’t like lobbing shells, go play something boring like Gran Turismo (…but it looks so real! Then watch an actual race!). In the olden days, besides walking uphill to school in the snow, you had shells, banana peels, and lightning to worry about. And it was fun! Flash forward to Wii, and you’re dodging red shells, green shells, those fucking BLUE SHELLS!, bullets, stars, bombs, fireballs, octopuses, rain clouds, goombas, Mormons, people on the Drag handing out flyers on transcendental meditation, and so on. You plummet from 1st to 12th place in a matter of nanoseconds before plunging into fire and getting up only to be knocked on your ass by another fucking BLUE SHELL! The combat has gotten out of control. And like I said, while it helps level the playing field, I don’t know if it necessarily makes for a more fun game.

The big innovation of this game, and the console itself of course, is the motion controls. The game comes with a plastic wheel that you can plug your Wii-mote into and steer the kart that way. It’s like when you used to play the game and you would turn your controller and your body along with the turns, only now it’s doing something. I thought the use of the wheel was fun and added extra immersion to the game, but the controls were not exact enough. Maybe after playing with it for a while I’ll get better, but after a while I had to revert back to the Wavebird in order to really get good on the tracks. This reminded me again of Brawl (see a pattern?). The Wii and its games provide innovative controls that, in the end, don’t always feel natural and we have to turn to our old controllers in order to get the most fun out of the game. You can also play with the Wii classic controller, or you could just jump out of a window instead. I hate that thing.

So it might sound like I didn’t like this game. Far from it. It’s still Mario Kart. It’s still fun. I still love playing it with people. I still like the whimsy. I still giggle at every single noise Yoshi makes. It’s just, you know, I’ve done it before. But maybe that’s the charm. If they changed it up too much I’d probably complain about that. If I could implore Nintendo to do one thing before the next installment (’cause I know they’re reading), it would be to cut down on some of the weapons, especially the big boys, that make it less a game of skill than one of luck based on whoever has the fucking BLUE SHELL!!! at the moment.

On a final note, I just want to ask: why are the denizens of the Mario universe such angry drivers? I mean, they are just unnecessarily asshole-ish on the road. Reminds me of another set of drivers I know…

“No! Let me merge! I don’t want to exit! OH SWEET JESUS WHY WON’T YOU JUST LET ME OVER?!?”

In fact, I think I-35 would make an excellent Mario Kart track. You got potholes everywhere. You got Traffic (remember Toad’s Turnpike?). You got the jolliest bunch of asshole drivers this side of Bowser’s Castle 3. And what about the Upper/Lower Deck Split? It’s like one of those cool shortcuts. And you can also fly right off the highway on it! The Mushroom Kingdom ain’t got nothing on the ATX!

Glow in the Dark Update

Remember when I said that Rihanna singing M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” was my favorite part of the Glow in the Dark concert in Austin? Well, one of our friends in the “nosebleeds” recorded it! It doesn’t sound as great here as it did live (whatever does?) but it gives you the idea. It’s not the whole song, but the best part…

Rihanna’s version: 

And the original: 

And, I didn’t know this until too late, but M.I.A. played tonight at La Zona Rosa. It was sold out before I even had a chance to think! The concert last night was so good, I don’t know if I could have handled this one!