My 11 Favorite Video Games of All Time (Because I Have ABSOLUTELY Nothing Better to Do and Nothing Is Going On At Work)

 

This is the time of year when people, such as bloggers, do end of year lists. They tell you their favorite movie of the year (The Dark Knight), their favorite music (Viva La Vida and “Single Ladies”), their favorite University of Texas quarterback (Oh My God, yall!), and all that stuff. Well, I don’t want to do that. I would like to take this opportunity to do something else.

Word on the street is, we’re in a recession. Every industry is doing pretty much terribly. Except video games, which are apparently recession proof. Taken to its logical conclusion, this means that in several years the only thing left to do will be to play video games (can I get a what, what?). So you had better brush up on your knowledge, right? Allow me to help!

Now, I don’t want to go crazy here and start making a lot of lists on this blog cause A) they’re stupid, B) it’s a cheap way to provide content and C) I think many people have the same favorite movies/books/marsupials/whatevers that the lists don’t create enough controversy. But I’ve been playing A LOT of video games lately, for whatever reason. And, since I have absolutely nothing else to post about, I’m going to tell you about my 11 favorite video games of all time. You’re still reading so you really can’t complain.

A few things about the list before I start. First, it’s not the world’s most groundbreaking list. There should not be too many surprises here for anyone who has more than a passing knowledge of the world’s most fascinating art medium (yeah, I said art! I’ll get to that later). Second, there are 11. Top 10 lists are boring. Third, I limited myself to one pick per franchise so the list would not be overrun with Mario games. HOWEVER, in the case of my top two, there is no way I can decide on which game in this certain franchise (can you guess which one?!?) I liked best. So I put both on here. And that’s another reason there are 11. Finally, I realized that there are no NES games on here. At first, I thought “WTF mate?” Without the franchise rule, several would have made it. But the closest NES game that would make the list without containing the words “Mario” or “Zelda” in the title is Contra, and I can’t even beat that without the Konami Code. So I didn’t include it.

And yes, I am this big a dork. The following list confirms it.

11. Xenogears

Xenogears is a cool game. It has a pretty fun battle system, a stylish look, and some absolutely incredible music (music will be a recurring theme on this list. Ha ha, theme). But the main reason I remember the game so fondly, and why it made the list, is its story. To be honest, I don’t understand all of it but, to sum it up the best I can, you play as this guy who has to stop an evil empire from destroying God with their giant robots. Or something. I’m REALLY oversimplifying it here. What this basically means is a lot of philosophical talk and religious imagery, some of which borders on blasphemy. And if there’s one thing I love, it’s blasphemous religious imagery. The story spans something like eight billion years and ends up with you actually fighting God. Or a god. Or your Id. Or something. Whatever, I thought it was pretty incredible back in high school when I played it. So it has got to be good, right?

 

 

 

10. Shenmue

There’s no way this should be a good game. Pretty much nothing happens. Tasks include forklift driving, interviewing tailors, and buying/drinking soda. The voice acting is beyond terrible. The game is one of the biggest flops in the history of the industry.

Yet…

It’s incredible. This was one of the first “go anywhere, do anything” games that would later become popular through the likes of GTAIII. The graphics were stunning at the time. The engine included a realistic weather simulator. You could go to the arcade and play things. You could buy toys. You could talk to anyone. You could drink in bars. You could make prank calls on pay phones. You could hang out with sailors down by the docks. You could race those forklifts. You could gamble. You could stalk. You could play with a cat. But, most important to me, the game painstakingly recreated a Tokyo suburb in the 1980s and the game is like a virtual vacation. This is the closest I have ever been to walking around in Japan, and it takes my breath away. Like I said, it’s pretty bad in places (watch the following video where Ryo looks for sailors at the Heart Beats Bar!). But I have never been this immersed in a game. Now if they would only complete the series!

 

 

 

9. Metal Gear Solid

Oh my God, why won’t the elevator go faster?!? The guards are coming! They are right around the corner. Oh Jesus, hurry up! Hurry up! Why won’t it go faster?!? Shit, I can hear the guards! They’re right over there! ABOUT FREAKING TIME! Oh God, elevator, go down! GO DOWN! AHHH! The guards found me! Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

You’ve played this one, so I don’t really have to tell you why it’s so good. But I will: suspense. The name of the game here is stealth, something that absolutely sucks in every single other game but rocks here. Nothing compares to waiting for an elevator with guards right on your tail, or getting discovered and having your controller jump 12 feet in the air. A classic, from the story to the boss fights to the inside jokes. I will say no more.

 

 

 

8. Ico

My least favorite aspect of video games, apart from “vehicle sections,” are escort missions. You know, where you have to go through a level with some dip shit scientist or GIRL and you have to make sure they stay alive but all they want to do is jump out in the middle of firefights or get stuck behind trees or generally dick you over in every way imaginable? Why are we still doing this in games?

This entire game is an escort mission and, truth be told, it can get annoying. Your goal is to escort a princess out of a castle without her being kidnapped by the smoke monster from Lost. Along the way, you have to figure out puzzles while exploring a palace boasting surreal architecture that would make Salvidor Dali proud. The atmosphere is so rich and the experience so magical that you don’t notice the escort mission… that much. Like Shenmue, this game sold maybe five copies but if you’ve played it, you will not stop thinking about it. And just look at that box art. That’s not the American version, which sucks balls, but the Japanese and European one. That art alone puts the game in the top 10 (okay, not really, but it is lovely).

 

 

 

7. Silent Hill

Since high school, I can remember being legitimately scared three times. There was the time I watched The Exorcist, back in my most holy of holy days, and I was convinced I would be possessed by the devil that very night. Then there was the time with the haunted house and the chainsaws and… yeah, whatever.

Silent Hill makes me quite nervous. You might have seen the movie, and it gives you a bit of the idea, but trust me: the game will unsettle you. I’ll never forget when I first played this. It was the middle of the night and I was running around a school that had just transformed into Hell and there were midget demon children with inside-out flesh stabbing me with scalpels. Yeah, it’s that good. And I played it again about a year ago, and I was amazed at how well the atmosphere held up. Every time the screen went black and the sirens started to blare, I got nervous. This one’s a bit hard to describe without actually showing it, so here’s another video! You might need to skip around on this one, but you’ll get the gist.

 

 

 

6. Final Fantasy VII

I knda hesitate to mention this one because this is pretty much the stereotypical “I’m the Biggest Dork In the World!” game. Plus, it’s kinda annoying at this point. But it still stands as one of the most important games I’ve ever played (in terms of my video game development). The story doesn’t make sense. The graphics and gameplay are kinda bad at points. Thirteen-year-old boys and girls swoon over the hotness of Cloud (all spiky hair and big sword). But the game still is neat, and I will always get nostalgic when thinking about playing it. I don’t have a lot to add to this that hasn’t been said, so let’s move on.

 

 

 

5. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Yay, the top five! I’ve been pretty snarky up this point, even though I love all these games, but you won’t find me saying a bad thing about the next five. Because they are perfect. Nothing is wrong with them…

So, voice acting and writing aside, this is pretty neat game. My favorite aspect of games is exploration and, oh Lord, there’s a lot to explore here. It plays like a traditional Castlevania game yet its structure is stolen inspired by Super Metroid. Explore one part of the castle, find an upgrade, unlock the next part of the castle, and so on. And then, when you think you’ve beaten it, you get to play the whole thing again! Only this time, the castle is upside-down! And the music is cool. I still play this all the time and I get addicted all over again. But I guess the same could be said of all religions.

 

 

 

4. Super Mario World

So, I couldn’t decide between this and Super Mario Bros. 3. But then I did. And I chose this. The Mario system that was introduced in 3 is perfected here in the best platforming game ever made. You spent billions of hours on this as a kid, so I don’t really need to go into what the game is like. Most importantly, it introduced Yoshi, my second favorite Nintendo character. Sure, he’s mostly useless. But he’s so cute! Especially the baby yellow one! And remember when you beat Special World and everyone turned into pumpkins. Yeah, that was rad!

 

 

 

3. Doom

I’m still playing this. Like, right now. I have it on Xbox 360 and I am STILL PLAYING IT! That means I’ve bought it twice, and I rarely buy things even once. It’s still the most fun FPS available. While Halo is trying to distract us with “story” and “characters” and “symbolism” and “maturity,” in Doom, you basically just blast the shit out of everything you see. It’s orgasmic.

I’ll never forget the time my mom watched me play this game for a few minutes. And I came into a room where the walls were made of human flesh, crucified bodies hung from the ceiling, pentagrams crowded the floor, and demons shot fireballs at me from a river of boiling blood. And she freaked out. She was terrified. “But Mom,” I says, “I’m trying to kill Satan! So it’s actually a very Christian game. Jesus would approve!” And she said, “Just don’t let your sister see this.” But let her see it I did. And she loved it. And when the family recently got a new computer (actually my old one), she asked me, “Is Doom on here?” Of course it was. Doom brings families together.

 

 

 

2. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

My soul is in agony. Which Zelda game do I like the best? And I told myself I would only put one game per franchise on here. Oh, what do I do? Fuck it, I say. I’m putting two Zelda games on here. And I know exactly which two. But which one is Number 1? End inner monologue.

To be honest, if you ask me tomorrow, this could be my favorite game. Playing this when it came out was magical. Somehow, Nintendo managed not to completely screw up their franchises when they went 3D (Super Mario 64 = good, any Sonic game post-Genesis = bad). I love everything about this game. Without a doubt, it has the best dungeons of the series. I remember anticipating this game for years and making my mom buy every single magazine in the Gatesville HEB that had something about the game on the cover. I’ve beaten it numerous times. I spent hours exploring every single rock and blade of grass in the game. It’s damn near perfect. But…

 

 

 

1. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

…I gotta go with this one. I make it a point to play this game at least once a year and I love it every time. Sure, I had played the NES version before this. And yes, I played other games occasionally. But this game defines my childhood like no other, an essential part of the kid that I was and still am, right up there with Star Wars, The Goonies, Ninja Turtles, Jurassic Park, and Legos. Like most of the games on this list, you’ve played it, so I don’t really need to describe it. This is the reason I still play video games. I’m waiting to see if something can top this. And though some have gotten close (see numbers 2-10), they ain’t A Link to the Past. If I weren’t at work, I’d be playing this right now. Or practicing with my Master Sword. Take that as you will.

Here’s a Japanese commercial for the game. It’s a wonder anyone in that crazy country even bothered to buy it.

The choreography isn’t bad. The costuming leaves something to be desired. But everyone knows Link isn’t Japanese! Where do they come up with these things?

 

I now encourage everyone to find their nearest video game console and play something. Anything. Video games are fun. And you better learn to love them. Cause when the recession gets really bad, and Hollywood stops making movies, and Motown stops putting out songs, and we all become like Joads from The Grapes of Wrath, it’s just gonna be you, me, and Link, baby!