A Sunset for the Sunfire

I’ve had two cars in my lifetime. When I was gifted my license at the tender age of 16, I was gifted too with the family’s green Jeep Cherokee. In retrospect this was a hell of a car and I would love to have it now but I hated it at the time. The radio didn’t work. All I could get was the AM band, thus deepening my appreciation for classic country and talk radio. Most of the gages failed to work either. The speedometer needle started getting shaky after 50 mph, so I usually had to guess how fast I was going. And the fuel gage always registered half a tank so I had to use the Force to sense when I thought gas was running low. And yet is still passed inspection. All this on top of the fact that we had this car when we were kids and already trashed it.

Eventually, I managed to spill gasoline all over the back seat while mowing lawns one summer and I couldn’t get the smell out. This was “Straw That Broke the Camel’s Back” One. Then, the driver’s side door started to come unhinged. It wouldn’t shut all the way, and the “door ajar” buzzer never shut off unless I placed the latch in just the right spot. One day, the buzzing got so incessant that, as I was pulling into the Gatesville United Methodist Church parking lot (on my way to some fantastic adventure in Jesusland, I’m sure), I shoved my hand towards the door and attempted to slam it as best I could. Well, the door came off in my arm. And then I dropped it. And then I ran over it. All as friends watched.

My parents decided it was time that I have a new car. Now, they didn’t get rid of the Jeep. They actually kept it and gave it to my brother, who proceeded to trash it like the victim of domestic abuse. I have no idea where the car is now. I assume it’s at the bottom of Lake Belton (the Lake Travis of the Waco-Temple-Killeen area).

But onto the new car. One summer day, as I returned from band camp in the school van, there, sitting in my driveway, was a brand new 2001 white Pontiac Sunfire. Now, I know it’s not the best car in the world. And why my parents got me white instead of, you know, BLUE like everything else I own, I don’t know. I wasn’t about to go all My Super Sweet 16 on them. Truth be told, I could not have been happier. After the Jeep, this was like a Roles Royce. As it was my high school graduation present, I thanked them profusely.

So began a seven-year, love-hate life together. And, to be honest, it was mostly love. The thing got hella-great gas milage. And while it had a few problems, it never flat out broke down on me (but more on that in a sec). The car and I have been through a lot together. High school. 9/11. College. Ice Storm ‘07. Arm Storm ‘08. Actual Storm ‘08 (still has dents on the roof). Smell Storm ‘08. And all sorts of adventures up and down I-35 (seriously, I like never travel further than 40 miles from the interstate, and have never lived more than 40 miles from it. What’s wrong?).

Last week, my completely smart sister Jill got into a car accident. I’ll spare you, and her, the details, but she’s okay. However, she managed to total her Pontiac Vibe going 30 mph on Bridge Street in Gatesville (Bridge Street is to Gatesville as Lamar is to Austin; the road connects you to just about everything but isn’t THE road. Actually, it’s probably more like Burnet. This aside has gone on for too long). My parents decide that they are getting a new car, they want to give me my dad’s old car, and that Jill will get the Sunfire. By the way, my parents purchased a Buick Lucerne, the same car my grandparents drive. They are now officially “olds.” When I confronted my mom about “one foot being in the grave,” she told me, “I don’t care! It’s comfortable!”

And just like that, suddenly, I no longer drive the car that I have driven for almost eight years and 75,000 miles (remember my driving radius). I am now the proud owner (?) of a Pontiac G6 (are you seeing the theme for my family?). Like the Jeep before it, I kinda don’t know what speed I’m going. With the Sunfire, I had to practically floor it so it would get to 60. Plus, it started shaking uncontrollably when it got to 70 and screamed like a cheap whore somewhere around 80. Point is, I had a pretty good idea what my speed was. With the G6 (the 6 stands for 6-cylinder), I can’t tell if I’m going 30 or 90. 90 was what I was going as I drove back to Austin this weekend. I had no idea. The car wasn’t shaking. It wasn’t talking back to me. And it doesn’t smell like rotten egg salad (which, sorry to say Ashley, is not a pheromone).

It was a little bittersweet cleaning out the Sunfire on Saturday. I mean, I was kinda happy to be rid of it. But I came across all sorts of things in the glove compartment, which apparently I had NEVER bothered to clean. I found old parking tickets from UT (ahhh, the Jester “loading” zone).  Numerous “C” parking permits. I found mix CDs that I had made all the way back in high school. There was my first (and only) speeding ticket, followed by about 40 warnings of various sorts. No gloves (I think there’s a Death Cab lyric that applies to this maybe kinda sorta?). I won’t say I got emotional, since the drugs that turned me into a woman have long since gone and I am back to being my crabby, cynical self. But I did pause to think.

Overall, I’d say a pretty good trade? And how did Jill fare? Well, she wasn’t initially excited about getting the car (did I mention the smell?), but she warmed up to it. I think she was just excited to get something to drive after being wheel-less for an entire week. When she returned to San Marcos, a hose burst and the engine overheated. She had to take it into the shop where it will cost her (and by her I mean my parents) $500. I got rid of that thing just in time! Oh, that Sunfire! Always acting the fool!

And now that I have a brand new shiny car, maybe I can get around to getting some of that ass everyone’s been talking about.

And a lot (like, 5) people searched for Chris Redfield. So here’s a Photoshopped picture of Chris Redfield and a Sunfire I did on my lunch break. Chris Redfield.

That’s not my car. And I do not yet look like that…