Remember, Remember, the 23rd of October

Please join me in forgetting the fact that I am turning 26 in a few days (lies, I tell you!), and instead focus on how awesomely cool the 23rd of October is. By the end of this post, you will totally hate your birthday because it is lame and is not invited to the cool birthday birthday party (I’ve only had one cup of coffee this morning, leave me alone!).

October 23rd falls on an astrological cusp. This is a day where two zodiological (which apparently isn’t a word, says spell check) signs merge to form an awesome, uber-starsign (which also isn’t a word). Some horoscopes say the 23rd is the last day for Libra, others say it is the first day for Scorpio. So you know what that means? I get to read TWO horoscopes! Let’s say the Libra one claims I’m going to get run over by a car. No problem, I’ll just be a Scorpio on that day! Can you do that? No. I didn’t think so. Now, technically, if you are born in the morning you are a Cusp Libra, and if you are born in the afternoon you are a Cusp Scorpio. But this is stupid, cause if someone asks you your sign, and everyone does this still, right?, you’re not going to say “Well, technically, I’m a blah blah blah WTF.” You’re going to say “Scorpio,” cause they’re good in the sack. Libras cry a lot. Or so I’m assuming, based on personal experience.

The stock market started to crash on October 23, 1929. The full melt down didn’t happen until a few days later, but the Great Depression technically started on my birthday. So without my birthday, you would never get the Great Depression and therefore no World War II and therefore no Raiders of the Lost Ark and Wolfenstein 3D. No, you’re welcome. Also, that little recession we are still going through would have been called the Great Depression. So now you didn’t have to live through the Depression. No, you’re welcome.

Oh, we ain’t done yet! October 23 is also Mole Day. Because I have no idea what the fuck this means, I will copy and paste this line of text from Wikipedia and let you sort it out: “Mole Day is an unofficial holiday celebrated among chemists in North America on October 23, between 6:02 AM and 6:02 PM, making the date 6:02 10/23 in the American style of writing dates. The time and date are derived from the Avogadro constant, which is approximately 6.02×10^23, defining the number of particles (atoms or molecules) in a mole, one of the seven base SI units.” Yeah, suck on that October 24th!

Hey, anyone here like Communist Russia? Sure, who the heck doesn’t?!? Lenin called for the October Revolution on October 23, 1917. So without October 23rd, there would be no Cold War or campus Marxists clubs or James Bond movies or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Oh, and Hitler would have won World War II. Kinda puts it all into perspective, doesn’t it?

Hey, believe the Earth is only a few thousand years old? In 1650, an archbishop for the Catholic Church (cause they’re always right) used the Bible and the dates within to calculate the day the world was created. What date would that be? Funny you should ask! October 23, 4004 BC. So I was born ON THE DAY THE WORLD WAS CREATED (supposedly, according to 1650 theological science). Your birthday = FAIL.

Boy, iPods sure are great, aren’t they? It would suck if there were no October 23, 2001, because then Apple would not have released the iPod and would have gone bankrupt and you would still be listening to your Sony Discman right now. Or a (shudder) Zune. But without an iPod there would be no crappy alternative from Microsoft, so that’s a moot point. And, perhaps most tragic of all, the world would have never seen Feist’s “1234″ video. And there wouldn’t be an iPhone. And you couldn’t download the cool songs from Glee the next morning on iTunes. And you’d probably be iDead, killing yourself out of boredom. Suicide? There’s probably an app for that… thanks to October 23!

There are also 69 days left until the new year. Tee hee.

Goodness gracious me, we haven’t even gotten to the birthdays on October 23! Let’s list some, shall we?

- Isabella of Portugal (whom I thought sponsored Columbus or something but then I realized I was an idiot and she did practically nothing. Still. She was smokin’)

- Johnny Carson (you might have heard of him. Jack Nicholson is a big fan)

- Harold P. Warren (any Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans surely knows of Manos: The Hands of Fate. Mr. Warren was the El Paso fertilizer salesman responsible for that. My success in filmmaking is assured!)

- Pele (who apparently plays some sport called “soccer.” Never herd of it either)

- Michael Crichton (we have a T-rex!)

- Ang Lee (another director! Is this fate? He made Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and Brokeback Mountain. So my dreams of making a gay samurai movie are all but assured!)

- Dwight Yoakam (of Panic Room fame)

- Nancy Grace (actually a little ashamed about this one. WHY IS SHE YELLING AT ME?)

- Sam Raimi (what’s this? Another director? The maker of The Evil Dead and Spiderman? So my dreams of making a superhero horror movie [where everyone is gay] are all but assured!)

- Weird Al Yankovic (this ALONE makes my birthday cooler than yours!)

- Doug Flutie (Flutie Flakes!)

- Augusten Burroughs (did you know that’s not his real name?)

- Ryan Reynolds (Google a picture of Ryan Reynolds, then tell me you ain’t jealous )

- Meghan McCain (meaning that John McCain and Cindy McCain had sex around roughly the same time my parents did, albeit a few years later. It’s science, really)

- Princess Mako of Japan (meaning that one day I, too, can be empress of Japan! Oh, joy!)

So I basically went through all this research to make me feel better about turning 26. Whatever it takes. And I’ve decided it takes alcohol. And the knowledge that your birthday sucks and mine doesn’t.

In other news, I’m turning 26 in a few days. This concerns me.

SXSW: A Local’s Perspective

I knew on Saturday, when it took me approximately eight hours to travel from 183 to 38th Street on I-35, that it was that special time of year again. The internet is sluggish, cell phone service has crashed, streets are blocked, the air is heavy with every type of smoke imaginable, and everyone looks like mannequins from Buffalo Exchange.

SXSW 2009 is here.

I bet you think you know where this is going but, for the record, I do not hate SXSW, nor do I begrudge the legions of hipster and techy douches descending on our city. I am fully aware of the amount of money this thing brings into the local economy, a fact even more important this year. I am also incredibly proud that so many people would spend their spring breaks going to this thing, making Austin an actual tourist destination. Seriously, people LOVE this city. And for a week it becomes their playground. And that is totally fine with me. I love it when people love Austin (in every way imaginable).

But I came to the conclusion last year that SXSW simply isn’t for people that already live here, unless you happen to be hardcore into the music, film, or interactive scene. I mean, think about it. A typical SXSW-goer spends their nights drinking unfathomable amounts of alcohol, wandering the streets in a drunken swagger, and listening to some shitty band that you’ve never heard of play in a venue that has the acoustics of a Styrofoam cup filled with a hobo’s change. I ask you, resident of Austin, how is this any different from any other weekend?

Ya see, as far as the whole live music and drinking thing is concerned, I’d say we are a little spoiled in Austin. So SXSW is just a typical Austin weekend, except it’s extended to a week and there’s a shit ton more yankees than usual. And the other thing to think about is this: it’s probably like this all the time in places like New York (and I’m basing this assumption ENTIRELY on the movie Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. It was cute). They just get to do it in a different locale. And Austin, as big and as cool as we think we are (and we are pretty fucking awesome), does not really have the capacity to handle this type of thing and these types of crowds. I mean, supposedly EVERY FLIGHT into the city was booked solid yesterday. This is amazing.

Then, there’s actual access to the shows to consider. Now, I’ve never had an actual SXSW pass or wristband. Last year, I did borrow a wristband for a day just to see what all of the fuss was about, but I came to the same conclusion I did earlier in this piece: this is just a Saturday night, there’s just MORE of it. And it’s not like I could have gotten into one of the BIG shows with my wristband. Oh no, you need a pass and credentials for that. So if SXSW is not for locals, it certainly isn’t catered to the average fan. Like most things, it’s just a big trade show or convention where people in a similar industry get together and enjoy (or in the case of hipster douches, not enjoy) the thing they love. There is so much press coverage on the thing cause there is SO MUCH PRESS here. I mean, what else are they going to talk about? What else am I going to talk about?

Now, these are certainly not ground breaking conclusions. But I think it’s important to keep these kind of things in perspective. And for all the Salvation Army Thrift Store rejects (also the name of a band playing at The Parish, incidentally) running about, some of them are actually kinda hot. So, for the most part, I think I’ve finally made peace with SXSW.

However.

Were some of these fucking people raised in a fucking barn? I know that’s the stereotype for us goat-fucking Texans, but come on! I’m working downtown (across the street from The Paramount, the SXSW Mecca no less!), and I have to see and put up with these people all day long! It’s like they have no concept of laws and rules and society and traffic flow or smoking ordinances or any of that type of stuff! I don’t know what kind of magical land yall come from where there simply are no rules and no structure to society, but people actually LIVE in Austin. It’s not  Disneyland!

Take the worst offenders: street crossers. Apparently, in Hipster Douche Land, it is perfectly acceptable to cross the street whenever the fuck you please, regardless if traffic is barreling towards you and people have to ruin their break pads just to make sure they don’t run into you and spill your Parliaments all over the goddammed ground. I’m going to let you festival goers in on a secret: PEOPLE IN AUSTIN CANNOT DRIVE. We simply cannot master this skill. So you are probably going to get run over. Just use common fucking sense and cross where there is not a car right in front of you.

Lesson number two: ordering at a fast food restaurant. You order here the same way you do everywhere else. This is not a completely foreign country! I swear, you’d think some of these people had never seen the inside of a Wendy’s before. They’re all, “Oh…yeah…um…what’s this hamburger thing?” They don’t have a concept of a line (which they should, since they will be waiting outside so many clubs). And no concept of monetary exchange. When it comes time to pay, they’re like “Oh…yeah…ummm…I forgot about money.” And then they have to maneuver past eighty press badges hanging around their necks to get to their wallets.

Back to traffic. It is perfectly UNACCEPTABLE to stand in the middle of the street and take pictures. Yes, the capitol building is gorgeous, and the largest one in the country for you trivia buffs. Yup, even larger than our nation’s capitol. But stopping traffic so you can take a snap of it with your iPhone is A) going to get you a crappy picture, and B) is going to get you run over by yours truly. Going back to something I said in a post almost a year ago, we live in a SOCIETY with RULES. And yes, even a place as fucking deranged as the ATX has them!

And just so you know, there are other BBQ places not called “Stubb’s.” And if you think their ribs suck it does not mean ALL ribs suck. In fact, their ribs do suck. Come on, you like indie bands! Why not try another restaurant as well? This also applies to Tex Mex/Chuy’s.

And all together now: it’s I-35, not THE 35. 183, not THE 183. Streets around here have enough names as it is. Don’t confuse us anymore than we already are.

So this weekend I will officially brave the SXSW and become one with the masses, only because Explosions in the Sky is playing a free show at Auditorium Shores.  Hopefully, the hipster douches will decide Explosions are not cool anymore and avoid the show. But whatever happens, it’s going to be a gorgeous weekend. And I’m glad everyone is here to see how nice the weather in Austin can actually be before summer (and ACL) sets in.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to navigate around a mass of people in front of the Paramount just to get to my car. These are the same people I will probably be running over in a few seconds. So it goes.

Odds and Ends: Mostly About Music

-Before we get started today, I just wanna say. It takes me a while to update. I know. My goal is to have the posts be at least tangentially of interest to someone other than myself. I like to have a topic, develop a thesis on the topic, and let things naturally go to hell from there. And I don’t particularly like writing about myself, cause that usually means that something CARAZZY! has happened to me and, for the sake of my sanity, those aren’t always fun (but yes, they can be funny). But I really do like to wait until I have something really good to talk about. And when I don’t have anything really interesting to talk about, I write these Odds and Ends posts that’s kinda free association. These posts also seem to coincide with slow days at work. So there. But for those of you who have told me how much you love my posts and how brilliant and handsome and charming I am (seriously, stop it! you’re making me blush), try this. Read a post again. My humor is so layered and complex that maybe you missed something the first time? I mean, E.T. shopping at American Apparel! ROTFLMAO!

-From 30 Rock to Just Like the City, self-deprecating humor seems to be in vogue this era. Discuss.

-Somehow, and I honestly don’t know how this happened, Jack’s Mannequin’s CD Everything in Transit became my most listened-to CD on iTunes and my iPod. A copy found its way into my car as well. Of all the music I “own,” my “subconscious” made sure that, no matter where I was, this would be the one CD I would have instant access to. And “they” (it’s really kinda one person) released a new CD last week, The Glass Passenger. By rough estimate, I think I listened to it, in entirety, six times yesterday. It seriously just happened, I don’t know how. And a live version of “Kill the Messenger” just came on my iPod as I type this. And here’s the thing. I don’t even know if the CDs are even that good. They’re kinda whiny (it is emo, after all) and the songs are pretty basic. However, I can’t stop listening! Everything in Transit refuses to get old to me. I’m in love with it. If I’m listening to something else, I’m always like “I could be listening to ‘Holiday From Real’ now.” Okay, not always, but a lot.

Now, why this CD? I blame it on my delayed adolescence (my “arrested development,” if you will). This is the crap that 13-year-old teenage girls listen to when their boyfriend breaks up with them. Okay, I’m selling it short. It’s obvious that I think it’s good, maybe unhealthily so. But I’m just not that into other music like this (with a few exceptions, I guess). Why this one? It’s a question for me to ponder, to be sure. I have no answer. Has this happened to anyone else? Not Jack’s Mannequin per se, but is there a CD that you listen to way too much? For no particular reason?

-I guess I should provide a mini-review of The Glass Passenger. I like it. It’s obviously no Everything in Transit, a CD that will one day cure cancer, broker peace in the Middle East, and create a great tasting AND calorie-free cheesecake, but it’s still really good. I mean, I listened to it six times yesterday. And who knows how many times total since it came out last Tuesday. Starts off really good, gets a little blah in the middle (but just a little), and then hits it out of the park towards the end. Here’s the video for the first single, “The Resolution.” It was directed by Stephanie Meyers, the woman who wrote those vampire books that 13-year-old teenage girls seem to love and that, um, I might have to read.

Thoughts: A) I don’t like his blonde hair; B) what exactly was Stephanie Meyers’ contribution to this? I did not see one m-effing vampire!; and C) this isn’t like the best song or anything, just the only video from the thing so far. And what’s the deal with boring videos? Cause this one bored me. I might expand that one into a post some day.

-Might as well highlight another new CD. I also like the Gorillaz, though in a driving in the car, background music sort of way. But the guy and the artist behind the Gorillaz, apparently with a lot of time on their hands, wrote an opera. Yes, an opera. But wait, it gets better. It’s entirely in Mandarin Chinese. And the plot involves a monkey that fights heaven or something. And it sounds like the Gorillaz’ (is that how you punctuate that?) music. It’s called Monkey: Journey to the West. Here’s a sample, with artwork. I kinda like it a lot. But when I tried to tell this to the one Gorillaz fan I know, he responded with an “oh.” Why can’t people share my excitement over anything?!?

-I took an online religion quiz that told me I was a Unitarian Universalist. And like part Scientologist and part Reform Jew (so can I take off Thursday for Yom Kippur?). But back to the Unitarian thing. Just a heads up. A future post might involve my research into this religion/fad of the week for me. I hope they aren’t a cult. I always thought they were a cult. But to be honest, I am the kinda person that would join a cult. I mean, I lived near Waco most of my teen years. There’s crazy in the water up there!

-Finally, hey! It’s football season! And UT plays OU this Saturday…

…but a certain quarterback seems to be doing alright for himself this season, so no worries, right? Hook ‘em!

Drinking Sure Is Fun. Can I List It Under “Hobbies?”

I love it when Austin is named the “Best of…” anything. We’re usually on lists of best cities to live in, best city for singles (that’s bullshit, BTW), best city ever, and the like. But I was particularly proud when the Center for Disease Control, the ones who fought the monkey in Outbreak, named Austin the hardest drinking city in America. Okay, well, technically Forbes magazine complied the data from the CDC and made a slideshow out of it, but its a lot cooler when you say the CDC did it.

But ANYWAY.

Now, I was actually kinda proud when I read this. Is that a bad thing? Should I be concerned about this? Yes, having a large contingent of drinkers leads to more bad things like alcohol-related fatalities and drunk girls taking pictures with Leslie, but as the article points out, ” A top-drinking town could be populated by health-conscious adults who sip a glass of wine a day in order to keep their hearts healthy. And just downing a few cold ones doesn’t make a person irresponsible.” So there. Drinking is okay! The CDC says so!

But just the fact that we beat cities like New York and Miami and New Orleans makes me wonder a bit about this list. I guess we have more drinkers per capita but it still seems to me like other cities would be higher. And yeah, UT contributes a lot since college students are drunk 23/7 and the drinking lessons you learn in college take a while to go away (what is this “one drink with dinner” thing everyone talks about?). But Austin is so much more than just UT. Think about college towns where all that’s there is a college. I would think they would have a higher per capita alcohol intake than Austin.

In the interest of science, I though about everything I drank over the weekend. Here is a list:

Friday: two strawberry daiquiris, one rum and diet, one Jim Beam and diet
Saturday: three(ish) Jim Beams and diets, six(ish) Molson Lights (that’s damn good
beer)
Sunday: One Bud Light (they were out of Miller), two Lone Stars

That’s not really so much, is it? In fact I think thats FAR less than what I usually drink, or what other people around me drink. I’m kinda ashamed that I wasn’t able to drink more, actually.

So this is obviously a cry for help. You can catch me at the Methodist Church on Thursday evenings. My name is Austin.

How My Favorite Book Ended Up In the Trash Tonight

As many of you know, I like to read. I like to read a lot. In fact, I probably read too much. I have way too many books. I read them so fast that I don’t even remember them half the time or take the time to savor them. But I can’t help it. Ever since I was a little kid, I have read and read and collected books and even attempted to write some of my own. 

So naturally, people often ask me what my favorite book is. Unlike movies, where I have a list of like five million that at any given moment of the day could be coined “my favorite,” I used to actually have an answer for the book question. When I was in high school, a friend of mine was reading Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. When he tried to tell me about it, it sounded completely boring and uninteresting. Something about little kids fighting off an alien invasion while sprouting a lot of philosophy and getting bullied all the time. And they like to play games at their school, apparently. But my friend INSISTED that I read it because it was going to change my life, it was so good. I was like, “Fine, whatever, I guess,” just so he would shut up and also, you know, never judge a book by it’s cover and all. 

Ender’s Game was the best book I had ever read, and no description or summary or praise could have really prepared me for what I read. Chances are, you’ve heard about it, your friend’s have talked about it, often in hushed whispers and awes of amazement. I won’t get into plot details or anything, but I want to point out that the book spoke to me in a way that nothing ever had before. Above all else, it was simply about what many great books are about: learning to love yourself, regardless of who or what you are, and to not take any shit from anyone. And on top of that, OSC’s writing was phenomenal. The points he expressed, the characters he created, the unthinkable places where he took the plot leave me spellbound to this day. 

Orson Scott Card quickly became my favorite author. Not just one of my favorites; my favorite. The cock of the walk. I read all the sequels and most of the prequels to Ender’s Game, and they were wonderful. I read some of his other books. I planned to read everything the man ever wrote. I was enamored. I planned the Ender’s Game movie in my head and I wanted to write books just as well as him someday. 

Now, I was aware that OSC had a very strict religious and conservative background, which is just fine with me. Even when I disagreed with him on some of his points, he expressed them in such and elegant and un-condecending manner that impressed me. He never made you feel like your point of view was wrong, just that there were other options out there. But his main ideas were always those of inclusiveness, of peace, of love for everyone and, whether you grew up Mormon like Card or discovered you were a socialist through an online test like me, that’s something everyone can agree with and feel good about. 

So it was with great sadness that I once ran across this article online, composed by Card. It is called “The Hypocrites of Homosexuality.” The gist of the article stem’s from Card’s belief that there is no scientific explanation for gay behavior, and that gay activities not only threaten the Christian world (“…one cannot serve two masters,” he writes), but the future of humanity itself. According to Card, when the gay lifestyle is accepted by society at large, less people will have children, and before you know it mankind will cease to exist. Let me know, if anyone cared to read it, if I got any of this wrong. Because I read it several times, trying to see what Card was really getting at, if there was actually some sense to his argument, if he was simply giving another point of view in his usually tactful way. 

But I came away with nothing except what I summarized above. Now, I certainly understand where he is coming from with the religious thing, because it is something I have seen all my life. And by saying I understand, I in no way mean that I agree or even accept his line of reasoning. But I know what he’s talking about. The second part, all that downfall of society stuff, is really too ludicrous to even get upset over. Last time I checked, the straights outweighed the gays by a pretty substantial margin. And the gays have been around as long as humans have, and we’re still here, right? Even if being gay were ever accepted by society at large, thus giving more people the courage to come out and be who they are, I really don’t think not  having enough babies will be an issue. That’s what China is for. 

This article obviously soured me on OSC for a while, but I didn’t really think about it. I resolved that maybe I didn’t need to read all his books, but I would still value the ones that I had read. The themes of Ender’s Game still apply, regardless of who wrote it. But when I tried to read it again, maybe a year ago, I couldn’t do it. I could not separate the man from the art in my mind. How could anyone who wrote an article linking gays to the end of humanity possibly write Ender’s Game? It was still a beautiful book to me and I figured that, with time, I would be able to read it again. I’ve even recommended it to people since then. 

Orson Scott Card has written a new article, published in the Mormon Times. According to Card, the recent passing of gay marriage laws in California and Massachusetts have rendered democracy invalid. People did not want these laws to be passed, and the courts passed them anyway. As such, people who truly believe in marriage should over throw the government, because they are creating an unfit environment to raise children or to foster democracy. Again, paraphrasing Card here. Let me know if I got something wrong. 

I could go through the article line by line and offer a rebuttal, but I won’t and I can’t. It depresses me too much. I think even some of the most hard-core social conservatives would roll their eyes at some of Card’s claims. I mean, here’s an actual line from the article: “How long before married people answer the dictators thus: Regardless of law, marriage has only one definition, and any government that attempts to change it is my mortal enemy. I will act to destroy that government and bring it down, so it can be replaced with a government that will respect and support marriage, and help me raise my children in a society where they will expect to marry in their turn.” I mean, I don’t want to call him crazy because that would put me on somewhat of a level as him, but honestly. Read that again. 

Like I said, I really don’t have to go line by line and explain everything that is faulty with some of his logic. And I’m not even going to touch the part where he starts comparing marriage and property laws because, A) that argument is a little creepy, B) it makes even less sense than some of my tangents (and that’s saying something), and C) I really don’t know what it’s supposed to fucking prove. 

But the reason I brought any of this up in the first place is this: enough is enough. Whatever you think on any of these issues, whatever you believe God wants or society wants or whatever, this is downright hateful. This is a New York Times bestselling author saying this, and no one really brings it up. When congressmen say stuff like this, it’s forgotten with a smile and a shrug. And as much as I hate to compare gay rights to civil rights, which has many similarities and many, many differences, what if he had said this about another race? Or another religion? Why is it only okay when it is about the gays? Here’s a link to a rebuttal that can sum this stuff up better than I can. I just wanted to put my personal two cents in. 

I’m done with Orson Scott Card. I’m done with Ender’s Game. And I’m done giving a pass to people who say stuff like this. Gays aren’t going to destroy society. Attitudes like this are. Whether you are straight, gay, Mormon, Methodist, Jedi, red state, blue state, whatever: we shouldn’t let this go any more. Because we’re all human. I feel stupid that I actually have to type that out, it sounds so trite, but people forget.  

In the meantime, I’m looking for a new favorite book. Any suggestions? And I haven’t proofread this because I want to go to bed.

Keeping Austin Like Texas: So Rent Prices Are Rising But We Can’t Raise Money For “Rent”?

I’m going to take a break with the wedding reporting for a moment to talk about a story I heard about on the radio this morning and then followed up on with an article in the Austin Chronicle. So the Austin Independent School District wants to sponsor a summer musical with students from all the schools in the district participating. The musical Rent is chosen. AISD backs out, saying that the play “would not be well recieved in some campus communities,” to quote the article. In other words: it’s about gays and AIDS and the district is not going to fund that.

Are you fucking serious? In Austin? I could see this happening in Gatesville, but not here. If they would have just come out and said, all things considering, that Rent is pretty fucking terrible to begin with and we’re not going to sponsor a pretty fucking terrible musical, then that’s fine (yes, I do have a soft spot for Rent, but come on. It’s pretty fucking terrible). And it’s not like the objectionable material was bad language or anything since that had been cut out of this production (which is another discussion for another time).

But despite that, the principal of McCallum High School offered his services, the cast raised the money on their own, and the show is taking place this weekend without the support of AISD. So congrats to them! I mean, I’m not going to go see it or anything. The only thing worse than Rent would be Rent performed by high schoolers! But I applaud them for sticking to their guns and not taking any of the district’s shit. What they really should do is ditch Rent and stage a full-on production of Angels in America. That’s right, all six hours of it! All six blasphemous, gay, AIDS-y hours of it! I mean, your funding is independent now. Why not really stick it to them?

And to the AISD: way to go. This embarrasses me as a citizen of the city that I thought was different from the rest of the state. I realize that the whole AIDS subject might be a little touchy to you as every time I see your acronym, AISD, I do indeed think of Rent, but this really is uncalled for. This is stupidity on a level I never thought possible here and I’ve seen some pretty stupid things done in this city. There’s not really much I can add. And to the superintendent, the Gatesville Independent School District has an opening. But you know what? Might be a bit too liberal for you, since even our friggin church choir sang “Seasons of Love.” Granted, they probably didn’t know it was about AISD…I’m sorry, AIDS, but whatev.

Here’s a link to the production’s page. You don’t have to go to the show or anything (I’ve seen it too many times), but just think about it. And that is all. More wedding deets later.

Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number…Unless That Number Is Really, Really Big

It’s been a while since I had a really good rant, or even an opinion on anything for that matter, but the subject of age has come up so many times recently that I have to say something about it, if only to figure out my own thoughts on the matter. This is the way that I write these rambly posts, in case you hadn’t figured it out: I start with an idea that I don’t think I have a stance on, yell, ramble, bore anyone reading, and come out on the other side more confused than when I started.

But I’m pretty sure I have this one figured out, and here are my thoughts on aging (from a 24 year old, mind you): get over it.

I’ve come to the conclusion that age is all in your head and that if you feel old then it’s your own damn fault. We, and by “we” I mean recent college graduates, are stuck in a sort of social limbo, just like every college graduate before us. We’re not full fledged adults but we are starting to get a sense of just how stressful “adult” life can be. We’re not kids anymore, and everyday that passes we leave that simpler (for most of us) life further and further behind. I pay all my own bills now, I have to fix my car, I commute to work, blah blah blah. It’s easy to get discouraged, especially with the big 2-5 looming around the corner.

The truth is, though, I don’t think I have ever felt younger, and I’m being completely serious. I can do pretty much whatever I want to do now and am completely responsible for my own actions, and if that’s not liberating I don’t know what is. I am surrounded by people at work older than me who constantly remind me just how much of a kid I still am and how THIS is the age to be. I still go out when I want to, I sleep/don’t sleep just as much or as little as I always did, and actually have a little bit of cash to do those things. Yes, my metabolism might slow down soon and I really should buy some goddamned land, but that’s all external if that makes sense. It’s all how you feel inside.

I was talking to someone the other night who wanted to go back to high school. Really? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure it sucked. Yes, it would be fun to go back with what you know now and see how it would turn out, but I would get sick of it. Same thing with college. Don’t get hung up on them. You’ve graduated. Move on. And it was fun, but it can’t possibly be as fun as you remembered. So live in the now. If you live in the past, and harp on and on about how you are not a kid anymore. of course you are going to feel old cause you were younger then!

The age you are now, whatever it is, is the best age to be. Because, really, it’s all up to you how young you want to act and feel.

Another factor that has been, um, factoring into to the recent age talk are weddings. So many people I know are married, getting married, thinking about getting married, etc. Now, I am not getting married anytime soon. Nor am I in a committed relationship. So I realize that my views on this might be skewed. And to be honest, having no attachments probably contributes to my unabashed youthful feeling. But it seems to me that marriage should in no way be considered “giving up,” as so many people do. You find someone you’re having fun with and you have fun with them for the rest of your life. And if you’re not having fun and you’re feeling old then, seriously, why bother? I completely realize that this is an immature and youthful attitude to have on the subject but it just makes no sense to me. Ugh, Now I’ve confused myself. Time to back out of this rant.

Moral of the story today: have fun. Age is all in your head and once you get around that, you are no longer “old.”

And so, speaking of childhood and nostalgia and how dwelling on the past is dangerous and contributes to our feeling old, remember the band from Showbiz Pizza? Not like this you don’t!

I also feel a post about nostalgia coming on. I have research to do.

Odds and Ends 4: This Is Not A News Site, Just In Case You Ever Wondered

-So two stories I previously wrote about turned out to be not as true as I thought they were. That tribe in the Amazon? FAKERS! Turns out they were discovered years ago, and some hippie hipster douche photographer kinda made up the story to highlight the dangers of logging. Oh yeah? Your mom’s a danger to logging. Plus, the powder on Mars turned out to be not cocaine but probably just ice. Ice, you say?

-I realized that, unlike most bloggers, I rarely post too much information on myself, falls from roofs excluded. This is done for several specific reasons, not the least of which is that it would probably bore you to tears. But in the interest of having noting else to really post, here’s a linear break down of my weekend: home from work, nap, eat, shower, go downtown, drink, dance, drink, [event retracted], drink, dance, go home, text, sleep, shower, confess, lawn service, decline cologne offer, eat Whataburger, lay out, don’t get in water, receive rain check, play marimba, meet friend for drink, brief nap, shower, go country dancin’, drink, dance, drink, dance, get sick, eat kolaches, sleep, shower, Hot Cheetoes and Bean Dip (?), back to Barton Springs, lay out, swim, submerge cast (terrible idea in retrospect), lay out, burn, play marimba, flip a coin, eat McDonald’s, watch several terrible music videos and a few good ones, eat cookies, part ways, watch Degrassi, read Charles Dickens, sleep. There. I trust you shant ask again. Overall though: fun weekend. Can’t you tell?

-I love the office chart site, from the makers of I Can Has Cheezeburger. This is why I love the site:

- Brief Arm Storm ‘08 update: WHEN WILL THIS FUCKING THING GET OFF? Oh, Thursday. Hopefully. I went swimming with it on this weekend (as noted earlier). The smell is absolutely phenomenal. That’s the only word I can think of to describe it. Phenomenal. Imagine being followed around all day by a dump truck filled with fish urine. No, I can’t imagine that either. But this smell is unimaginable. Thus, a comparison that is unimaginable.

Diet Coke and I: “Do I see a future there? But I don’t care if he beats me! It’s love!”

I’ve concluded that I can give up just about any food for the sake of being healthy. Cereal and peanut butter, both not bad for you unless you consumed them like I did, are effectively banned from my life (except on rare, RARE occasions). And I LOVE cereal and peanut butter. I can’t fully give up caffeine but I have stopped drinking coffee all together (except, like above, in rare occasions). And I also, once upon a time, gave up my favorite drink in the world, Dr. Pepper. Now I can’t even finish an entire can. Is that shit just caramelized sugar? How does anyone drink it?

But there are two things that my mind refuses to give up: alcohol and Diet Coke. Alcohol is not really a problem. All things considered, I don’t drink it that much (stop laughing, I’m serious. When was the last time I needed to drink water?). But, whoo boy, that Diet Coke. I have a serious problem. I’m not going to say how much I drink a day, cause I don’t even know, but lets just say that my intake is somewhere between “hey, maybe you should slow down” and “why is your urine black?”

And I don’t even know how this happened. I used to hate Diet Coke more than anything in the world. I used to make fun of people who drank it, like my dad (he eventually switched to Diet Dr. Pepper, which I just can’t muster much enthusiasm for). When I gave up Dr. Pepper I guess I just needed to get my caffeine fix somehow. And slowly but surely my tolerance to Diet Coke soared. And here I am today. A broken (literally) man. I am a raging Coke Head. And I see no way out of the abyss.

People try to tell me how bad it is for you. How it destroys your brain and your teeth and your urinary tract. And I don’t really pay too much attention ’cause, the way I’ve always figured, everything is bad for you in some way. Like carrots: they’re good for your eyes but they’re linked to cancer. Or alcohol, which studies show can prevent certain types of cancer but also destroys the liver. Moral of the story: everything is probably okay in moderation. But I have an utter contempt for moderation.

So today I read an article finally linking drinking soda with bone problems. Apparently, the body steals calcium from the bones in order to break up the phosphoric acid found in all colas. To quote the article, “…the occasional cola drinker probably needn’t worry…The real risk is for those who drink cola every day.” Fuck. AND WHO HAS BEEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH THEIR BONES LATELY?!? I NEVER USED TO BREAK BONES! The sad thing is, after I read that, I went out a got a large Diet Coke! It’s just what I do. I can’t stop it. Basically, this is a cry for help. Is there an appropriate substitute? They tried to put minerals in it, like it’s a health drink or something, and it tasted terrible. I’ve tried mineral water, just to get that fizziness, but then there’s the issue of caffeine, which is undoubtedly the main source of my Diet Coke addiction. Plus, crazy as it sounds, I actually like the way it tastes. What should I do? I see no way I can cut this out of my daily life, or even curb it for that matter.

Millennials: Talking About My Generation

So I was all prepared today to share my review of Indiana Jones. But then I came across this article and this video and felt that I had to share and comment on them.

Basically they talk about “Millennials,” formally known as “Generation Y.” This covers, roughly, people born from 1980 to 1992, according to the 60 Minutes report. Your grandparents are the Greatest Generation. Your parents are Baby Boomers. The guy at Blockbuster is Generation X. And you (and me) are “millennials.” (And if you aren’t, look at you! You’re using a computer all by yourself!)

Basically, old people are getting their shit freaked out because a new generation of worker is entering the workforce who, A) knows how to use a computer, B) can multitask, and C) was absolutely waited on hand and foot as a kid. We don’t like to be yelled at. We never stop listening to our iPods. We’re self centered. We’re trying to make the world a better place through the safety of our parent’s bank account. Did I mention we DO NOT like to be yelled at?

Now, I don’t have too much to add to the description of “millennials” that the article and video don’t already cover. It’s standard “damn kids get off my lawn!” bullshit. But I do have a few comments in the way of a rebuttal.

If you don’t like the way we act, then it’s your own fault cause you created us! You coddled us and made us play soccer and created iPods and now you’re all surprised how we turned out? It is true we are materialistic and self absorbed, but the corporations (ie: old people) are just perpetuating that image. And not all of us are like the way we are described in the video. As much as I hate it and DO want to move back in with my parents, I have a job that I show up to on time (except when I’m hungover). I don’t expect things to be given to me (except decent healthcare). And my mom has never called my boss (although I almost wanted her to, once, when he made me cry, but I digress).

And before you think everything is happy-go-lucky in my generation, we still have a huge dose of cynicism and are as moody and emotional as fuck. We’re completely insecure. We’re sarcastic and cruel. And we don’t blindly trust the government as the article suggests. If each generation is just an extension of the previous one, we’re pretty much just Gen Xers with text messaging. And just a little more ambition. All I’m trying to say is we can be optimistic, but we’re not delusional as the old people seem to think. Yeah. We know. Life sucks. Thanks for sending us that message loud and clear.

As this rebuttal article points out (which is a little less random and all over the place than mine), we kinda have an uphill battle. Previous generations are making sure we never get that dream job or that we are even able to afford a house! We have tons of debt because you made us go to college and get a useless degree and buy stuff on a credit card we can’t afford. Fuck it, I’m getting too depressed. If there’s any silver lining, it’s that maybe, just maybe, we can transform the government or the workplace into something that works for us instead of against us. Is it wrong to expect a good job and a decent living? Why don’t we help each other achieve that instead of trying to hold us back from all sides? Of course, that is putting waaaaaaay to much faith in people like me. Remember, we’re still cynical!

In closing, I would like to point out that I am updating my blog while listening to my iPod and texting and reading several articles all at the same time. And eating ice cream. And wearing flip flops. And I’m at work.