SXSW: A Local’s Perspective

I knew on Saturday, when it took me approximately eight hours to travel from 183 to 38th Street on I-35, that it was that special time of year again. The internet is sluggish, cell phone service has crashed, streets are blocked, the air is heavy with every type of smoke imaginable, and everyone looks like mannequins from Buffalo Exchange.

SXSW 2009 is here.

I bet you think you know where this is going but, for the record, I do not hate SXSW, nor do I begrudge the legions of hipster and techy douches descending on our city. I am fully aware of the amount of money this thing brings into the local economy, a fact even more important this year. I am also incredibly proud that so many people would spend their spring breaks going to this thing, making Austin an actual tourist destination. Seriously, people LOVE this city. And for a week it becomes their playground. And that is totally fine with me. I love it when people love Austin (in every way imaginable).

But I came to the conclusion last year that SXSW simply isn’t for people that already live here, unless you happen to be hardcore into the music, film, or interactive scene. I mean, think about it. A typical SXSW-goer spends their nights drinking unfathomable amounts of alcohol, wandering the streets in a drunken swagger, and listening to some shitty band that you’ve never heard of play in a venue that has the acoustics of a Styrofoam cup filled with a hobo’s change. I ask you, resident of Austin, how is this any different from any other weekend?

Ya see, as far as the whole live music and drinking thing is concerned, I’d say we are a little spoiled in Austin. So SXSW is just a typical Austin weekend, except it’s extended to a week and there’s a shit ton more yankees than usual. And the other thing to think about is this: it’s probably like this all the time in places like New York (and I’m basing this assumption ENTIRELY on the movie Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. It was cute). They just get to do it in a different locale. And Austin, as big and as cool as we think we are (and we are pretty fucking awesome), does not really have the capacity to handle this type of thing and these types of crowds. I mean, supposedly EVERY FLIGHT into the city was booked solid yesterday. This is amazing.

Then, there’s actual access to the shows to consider. Now, I’ve never had an actual SXSW pass or wristband. Last year, I did borrow a wristband for a day just to see what all of the fuss was about, but I came to the same conclusion I did earlier in this piece: this is just a Saturday night, there’s just MORE of it. And it’s not like I could have gotten into one of the BIG shows with my wristband. Oh no, you need a pass and credentials for that. So if SXSW is not for locals, it certainly isn’t catered to the average fan. Like most things, it’s just a big trade show or convention where people in a similar industry get together and enjoy (or in the case of hipster douches, not enjoy) the thing they love. There is so much press coverage on the thing cause there is SO MUCH PRESS here. I mean, what else are they going to talk about? What else am I going to talk about?

Now, these are certainly not ground breaking conclusions. But I think it’s important to keep these kind of things in perspective. And for all the Salvation Army Thrift Store rejects (also the name of a band playing at The Parish, incidentally) running about, some of them are actually kinda hot. So, for the most part, I think I’ve finally made peace with SXSW.

However.

Were some of these fucking people raised in a fucking barn? I know that’s the stereotype for us goat-fucking Texans, but come on! I’m working downtown (across the street from The Paramount, the SXSW Mecca no less!), and I have to see and put up with these people all day long! It’s like they have no concept of laws and rules and society and traffic flow or smoking ordinances or any of that type of stuff! I don’t know what kind of magical land yall come from where there simply are no rules and no structure to society, but people actually LIVE in Austin. It’s not  Disneyland!

Take the worst offenders: street crossers. Apparently, in Hipster Douche Land, it is perfectly acceptable to cross the street whenever the fuck you please, regardless if traffic is barreling towards you and people have to ruin their break pads just to make sure they don’t run into you and spill your Parliaments all over the goddammed ground. I’m going to let you festival goers in on a secret: PEOPLE IN AUSTIN CANNOT DRIVE. We simply cannot master this skill. So you are probably going to get run over. Just use common fucking sense and cross where there is not a car right in front of you.

Lesson number two: ordering at a fast food restaurant. You order here the same way you do everywhere else. This is not a completely foreign country! I swear, you’d think some of these people had never seen the inside of a Wendy’s before. They’re all, “Oh…yeah…um…what’s this hamburger thing?” They don’t have a concept of a line (which they should, since they will be waiting outside so many clubs). And no concept of monetary exchange. When it comes time to pay, they’re like “Oh…yeah…ummm…I forgot about money.” And then they have to maneuver past eighty press badges hanging around their necks to get to their wallets.

Back to traffic. It is perfectly UNACCEPTABLE to stand in the middle of the street and take pictures. Yes, the capitol building is gorgeous, and the largest one in the country for you trivia buffs. Yup, even larger than our nation’s capitol. But stopping traffic so you can take a snap of it with your iPhone is A) going to get you a crappy picture, and B) is going to get you run over by yours truly. Going back to something I said in a post almost a year ago, we live in a SOCIETY with RULES. And yes, even a place as fucking deranged as the ATX has them!

And just so you know, there are other BBQ places not called “Stubb’s.” And if you think their ribs suck it does not mean ALL ribs suck. In fact, their ribs do suck. Come on, you like indie bands! Why not try another restaurant as well? This also applies to Tex Mex/Chuy’s.

And all together now: it’s I-35, not THE 35. 183, not THE 183. Streets around here have enough names as it is. Don’t confuse us anymore than we already are.

So this weekend I will officially brave the SXSW and become one with the masses, only because Explosions in the Sky is playing a free show at Auditorium Shores.  Hopefully, the hipster douches will decide Explosions are not cool anymore and avoid the show. But whatever happens, it’s going to be a gorgeous weekend. And I’m glad everyone is here to see how nice the weather in Austin can actually be before summer (and ACL) sets in.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to navigate around a mass of people in front of the Paramount just to get to my car. These are the same people I will probably be running over in a few seconds. So it goes.

The Killers Kill Austin

(This picture is not from last night’s show, nor did I take it. It was hijacked from the internet. His face looks funny.)

Last night, I returned to the Frank Erwin Center in beautiful Austin, Texas, to see one of my faves, The Killers, in concert. You’ve heard of them. Tickets were graciously provided by the vivacious Mprint, and I cannot thank her enough.

In short, the glamorous indy rock and roll show was amazing and we were on top of the world. Somebody told me that The Killers were no good live. Well, this show would change your mind. For reasons unknown, we smiled like we meant it. We went to the place where the white boys dance. And we danced like humans and like we used to when we were young. (see what I did there? Mr. Brightside.)

The seats were up in the mezzanine (which is just a fancy arena word for “if this were the Titanic you would die”), but it was still a decent vantage point. While I would have liked to have gotten closer to Brandon Flowers (cause, you know, his jacket is nice? And he finally shaved off that creep-ass mustache?), I certainly ain’t gonna complain. The opening act was M83, which is a band I always pretend to know but really have no idea. Apparently they are French. Anyway, I confess I didn’t pay much attention to them. I have this habit of being completely catatonic during opening acts. And late. But they were pleasant, something I might have to download someday if I can stop my current habit of listening to The Killers 24/7.

So anyway, The Killers! I will say up front that the set list relied a little too heavily on the new CD, Day and Age. Of the ten songs on it, eight were played (and “A Dustland Fairytale” was not one of them… le sigh). While I understand that this was the “Day and Age Tour,” and that the CD is new, come on. You could have gotten rid of “The World That We Live In,” to make room for something else (say… “On Top”? Pretty please?).

But this is a minor complaint, cause the rest of the show was hit after hit and the songs from Day and Age are, you know, good. I’m kinda constructing the set list from memory here, but they opened with “Spaceman” and “Losing Touch.” Good opener. This went into “Somebody Told Me,” which is a song people apparently like. You can probably guess the songs from there. No, they did not forget “Mr. Brightside.”

There were a few surprises, I thought. They played “Shadowplay,” the Joy Division cover, with footage from the Joy Division movie, Control, in the back. Travis provided a nice backing synth line to this. Also, they played “Bling” from Sam’s Town, which is a song I’ve always liked. Sadly, no “On Top.”

On to highlights from the concert! I thought “Human” was really good. Yes, I know, you are sick of the song. But when everyone is singing along (cause it’s the one song everyone knows the words to right now), it’s pretty cool. And they played my favorite, “Read My Mind,” which was beautiful. Then they “closed” with “All These Things That I’ve Done,” the song that made me really like The Killers in the first place (ya know, back in the day).

I say “closed” cause of course there was an encore. (Little side rant real quick: what’s the deal with encores? You know you are going to come back out. We know you are going to come back out. I’ve already blown my voice out singing “Smile Like You Mean It” at the top of my lungs. Please, just get back on stage! Quick! It’s all dark in here! Someone is touching me! Someone’s calling my name from the back of the restaurant! I think encores should not be a given. They should be earned). Anyway. The encore started with “Bones,” which is not my favorite song by them but whatev. However, they did finish it off with “Jenny Was A Friend of Mine.” It’s kinda creepy, everyone in the arena singing about strangling a girl at the top of their lungs. And finally, “When You Were Young.” You might have heard this one too.

So, fantastic show, and this was my first Killers concert. I’ve always liked them cause their songs are over the top, and they certainly sounded that way live. Stage design was good too, with lots of neon lights and pretty colors. This was complimented with occasional bursts of confetti, bubbles, tiger skin backdrops, and fireworks. Yay, fireworks!

No celebrity sitings this time. I guess they don’t buy nosebleed seats. At at the Erwin Center, they’re not really nosebleeds. More like a light sniffle. And how do people get drunk off of $7 beer? I mean, I thought we were in a recession. You probably had to mortgage your children just to afford tickets! How are you getting drunk on beer that’s that expensive? Seriously. Priorities, people!

Now I gotta work on those Bruce Springsteen tickets…

Also too, one of my dream trips: going to Japan with The Killers.

Odds and Ends: Mostly About Music

-Before we get started today, I just wanna say. It takes me a while to update. I know. My goal is to have the posts be at least tangentially of interest to someone other than myself. I like to have a topic, develop a thesis on the topic, and let things naturally go to hell from there. And I don’t particularly like writing about myself, cause that usually means that something CARAZZY! has happened to me and, for the sake of my sanity, those aren’t always fun (but yes, they can be funny). But I really do like to wait until I have something really good to talk about. And when I don’t have anything really interesting to talk about, I write these Odds and Ends posts that’s kinda free association. These posts also seem to coincide with slow days at work. So there. But for those of you who have told me how much you love my posts and how brilliant and handsome and charming I am (seriously, stop it! you’re making me blush), try this. Read a post again. My humor is so layered and complex that maybe you missed something the first time? I mean, E.T. shopping at American Apparel! ROTFLMAO!

-From 30 Rock to Just Like the City, self-deprecating humor seems to be in vogue this era. Discuss.

-Somehow, and I honestly don’t know how this happened, Jack’s Mannequin’s CD Everything in Transit became my most listened-to CD on iTunes and my iPod. A copy found its way into my car as well. Of all the music I “own,” my “subconscious” made sure that, no matter where I was, this would be the one CD I would have instant access to. And “they” (it’s really kinda one person) released a new CD last week, The Glass Passenger. By rough estimate, I think I listened to it, in entirety, six times yesterday. It seriously just happened, I don’t know how. And a live version of “Kill the Messenger” just came on my iPod as I type this. And here’s the thing. I don’t even know if the CDs are even that good. They’re kinda whiny (it is emo, after all) and the songs are pretty basic. However, I can’t stop listening! Everything in Transit refuses to get old to me. I’m in love with it. If I’m listening to something else, I’m always like “I could be listening to ‘Holiday From Real’ now.” Okay, not always, but a lot.

Now, why this CD? I blame it on my delayed adolescence (my “arrested development,” if you will). This is the crap that 13-year-old teenage girls listen to when their boyfriend breaks up with them. Okay, I’m selling it short. It’s obvious that I think it’s good, maybe unhealthily so. But I’m just not that into other music like this (with a few exceptions, I guess). Why this one? It’s a question for me to ponder, to be sure. I have no answer. Has this happened to anyone else? Not Jack’s Mannequin per se, but is there a CD that you listen to way too much? For no particular reason?

-I guess I should provide a mini-review of The Glass Passenger. I like it. It’s obviously no Everything in Transit, a CD that will one day cure cancer, broker peace in the Middle East, and create a great tasting AND calorie-free cheesecake, but it’s still really good. I mean, I listened to it six times yesterday. And who knows how many times total since it came out last Tuesday. Starts off really good, gets a little blah in the middle (but just a little), and then hits it out of the park towards the end. Here’s the video for the first single, “The Resolution.” It was directed by Stephanie Meyers, the woman who wrote those vampire books that 13-year-old teenage girls seem to love and that, um, I might have to read.

Thoughts: A) I don’t like his blonde hair; B) what exactly was Stephanie Meyers’ contribution to this? I did not see one m-effing vampire!; and C) this isn’t like the best song or anything, just the only video from the thing so far. And what’s the deal with boring videos? Cause this one bored me. I might expand that one into a post some day.

-Might as well highlight another new CD. I also like the Gorillaz, though in a driving in the car, background music sort of way. But the guy and the artist behind the Gorillaz, apparently with a lot of time on their hands, wrote an opera. Yes, an opera. But wait, it gets better. It’s entirely in Mandarin Chinese. And the plot involves a monkey that fights heaven or something. And it sounds like the Gorillaz’ (is that how you punctuate that?) music. It’s called Monkey: Journey to the West. Here’s a sample, with artwork. I kinda like it a lot. But when I tried to tell this to the one Gorillaz fan I know, he responded with an “oh.” Why can’t people share my excitement over anything?!?

-I took an online religion quiz that told me I was a Unitarian Universalist. And like part Scientologist and part Reform Jew (so can I take off Thursday for Yom Kippur?). But back to the Unitarian thing. Just a heads up. A future post might involve my research into this religion/fad of the week for me. I hope they aren’t a cult. I always thought they were a cult. But to be honest, I am the kinda person that would join a cult. I mean, I lived near Waco most of my teen years. There’s crazy in the water up there!

-Finally, hey! It’s football season! And UT plays OU this Saturday…

…but a certain quarterback seems to be doing alright for himself this season, so no worries, right? Hook ‘em!

Music! Weezer and Coldplay

Because I am now a blogger, I am required to a) have an opinion on music and, b) have very strict indy rock tastes. Which is why I’m reviewing two little known acts. Recently two of my favorite bands put out new CDs. And by favorite bands, I mean one that actually is one of my favorites and one that I will admit is a favorite only to myself as I scrape the bottom of a gallon of ice cream and sob uncontrollably (seriously, does anyone else have this reaction to ‘Fix You’ or is it just me?). I’m talking here about Weezer and Coldplay. Now, when they both released their singles a few weeks ago, I was quite taken with “Pork and Beans” but not so much “Violet Hills.” Did I have the same reactions to the respective CDs? Well, then, just read on!

Weezer – The Red Album: First, can I just ask whats up with Rivers Cuomo’s mustache? And why are so many other singers doing it too? And by “so many others,” I’m talking mainly to Brandon Flowers. Are yall intentionally trying to creep everyone out? I know you are pushing 40, Rivers, but come on! And Brandon, you simply have no excuse.

Anyway.

Most Weezer fans view the albums like this: they love The Blue Album, think Pinkerton was handed down from God a la The Ten Commandments, bash The Green Album around their hipster douche friends but listen to it secretly with the curtains drawn, and proclaim to have heard nothing after that except “the one with The Muppets.” When you start your career on so many high notes, you can never really catch up and so people have written off their later stuff. I personally love just about everything they have put out. They never take themselves to seriously (and never did, despite what some think…Pinkerton is pretty stupid/fun), are catchy as hell, and are never boring.

The Red Album is a bit boring. Actually, it’s mostly boring. It starts off on a high note, with three songs that sound just as fun and catchy as anything they have ever put out. “The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived” is an epic that reminded me of those long songs on American Idiot by Green Day, except more fun. But from track 4 on, the songs just loose their energy. They’re not necessarily bad, they just come off as uninteresting. It should be noted as well that most of the back half of the CD was written by members of Weezer not named “Rivers.” If this has something to do with it, I don’t know. I’m going to reserve final judgment on this one for a little while. When it works, it works. When it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Now is that quotable or what?

Coldplay – Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends: You know how I know I’m gay? I actually really like this new CD. I’ve gone back and forth with Coldplay. I loved, LOVED Rush of Blood to the Head and listened to it probably more than I should have. Which explains why my sophomore year of college involved a lot of poetry writing and nature walks. And I liked X&Y, but it became clear to me that they were just doing the same things over and over again. Now, I know it’s fashionable to not like Coldplay, and I am so not one of those people. I just got kinda sick of them.

When I heard the new single, “Violet Hills,” I could see that they were trying to do something else, but it sounded just like Coldplay not trying to sound like Coldplay. It grew on me after a while, but I’m kinda getting tired of it again. The other single, “Viva la Vida,” oh boy. That is one catchy little ditty. I know this one is destined for overplay (to this day I fucking resent the fact that stars are yellow and think about it every time I see one, even though they are SO CLEARLY WHITE!) and it’s used in an iTunes commercial and what not, but it is by far one of the best things they have done. It’s just so damn catchy. And from this song, you can glean some of the Latin influences that are all over the album.

And how is the rest of the CD? It took me a few listens to really warm up to it. Yes, it sounds different, but not that much. It reminds me a lot of Parachutes, with more dissonant chords and the like. But the best parts are where Coldplay sound like Coldplay, with the same four chords and the wailing and soaring choruses and all that. By about the third listen, I really started to like it. As in, I’m still listening right now. This can only mean that in the ensuing weeks I’ll play it to death and then renounce the band until their next album Muero el Muerte or Why the Fuck Did Gwyneth Leave Me? (my Spanish might be rusty…)

Glow in the Dark Update

Remember when I said that Rihanna singing M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” was my favorite part of the Glow in the Dark concert in Austin? Well, one of our friends in the “nosebleeds” recorded it! It doesn’t sound as great here as it did live (whatever does?) but it gives you the idea. It’s not the whole song, but the best part…

Rihanna’s version: 

And the original: 

And, I didn’t know this until too late, but M.I.A. played tonight at La Zona Rosa. It was sold out before I even had a chance to think! The concert last night was so good, I don’t know if I could have handled this one! 

Austin Glows in the Dark: The Kanye/Rihanna/N.E.R.D./Lupe Fiasco Concert

I don’t really like concerts all that much, mainly because I’m cheap. It takes someone very special for me to fork over the money to watch a person sing. The lineup listed above is the exact sort of thing that will make me part with my money. The INSTANT I heard about it I knew that I was going and I have been anticipating it for months now.

The show lived up to those months of waiting. It was awesome.

Now, I could stop there because that’s all you really need to know, and the show was just about what you would expect from these performers, but I am the long winded type so I’m going to go into minute, excruciating detail on every single thing. The seats were amazing, provided by my awesome inside source at the Erwin Center. Not floor level but just a little bit up, raised above the people sitting below so that our seats were better than theirs. There’s really not a bad seat in the Erwin Center cause its not that big, but these were great. I don’t think the show was sold out, but there seemed to be plenty of people there if the lines for the bathroom/beer were any indication.

Anyway, the music!

Lupe Fiasco – We got there slightly late and missed the beginning of Lupe’s show. I’ve listened to both of his CDs, and I thought they were a little boring. From what I saw of his set, he was energetic and skateboarded a lot, but I missed most of it standing in line for beer and at the ATM, where two girls were looking at the screen like it was freaking rocket science. Literally, they were just standing there doing nothing. It was while these two bitches were contemplating astrophysics and wasting everybody’s time that Lupe played one of the two songs I liked, “Go Go Gadget Flow.” It sounded good from the hallway I guess. Anyway, we got our beer and sat back down just in time for “Superstar,” which is a great song and I’m sure the only one anybody really knew (the arena was kinda empty at this point). Lupe skated off, leaving us anticipating bigger and better things.

N.E.R.D.- I didn’t know as much about them as the other acts before the show, but it was quite the performance. The band consists of, from what I could tell, Pharrell, two drummers, and various other people on stage not named Pharrell who just sort of dance around. But, man, two drummers! That’s cool. Pharrell got the crowd pumped up and excited (too many, “I can’t hear you”s for my taste, but whatever) and the set was really good. There’s not much more to say. Much to the disappointment of the ladies in the audience, he did not take off his shirt as seems to be his shtick.

Rihanna – This is where the whole “glow in the dark” part of the “Glow in the Dark” tour really took off. Rihanna, in a skin-tight black one piece with neon seams all over it, danced around with light-sabers, cages (?) on wheels, and, yes, umbrellas. Now, I’m mixed on Rihanna as a musician (don’t get me wrong, I love her as a person). When the songs are good, they’re really good (like “SOS” and “Umbrella”). But when they’re bad, they are really bad. And she sang two of her worst: “Unfaithful” and “Hate That I Love You.” And she completely skipped “Shut Up and Drive” (“gonna’ ride that scooter to a limousine”). However, she made up for it by being so gosh-darn cute and putting on a good show and providing what I thought was the highlight of the evening by singing a little bit of M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes.” It all happened so fast that I had no idea what was going on. In the end, all I wanted to do was BANG BANG BANG BANG and give her more money to play more songs because it was good.

Kanye West – The real reason I wasn’t able to sleep for months. I’ll say right off the bat that I wish it were more of a straight concert than a play with a storyline or whatever it was he was doing. But this is Kanye, my favorite asshole in the world, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, the set was cool as were the plumes of fire and the movie screen behind him and the live band and everything. But he never wore his light-up suit, which was a bit of a disappointment. The story, as far as I could put it together, was that Kanye was stranded on a planet and had to make his way back home or something and along the way he needed to bring creativity to the universe because he’s the brightest star, don’t you see. In and out of this he sings his songs that have maybe something to do with the story. For example, the first song was “Good Morning.” When the ship lifts off, he sings “Space Ship.” When it crashes, he sings “Through the Wire,” which I think is about his real-life car crash but I’m not sure. When he wants to have sex with the ship’s computer, he sings “Gold Digger.” The story didn’t make a whole lot of sense, and kinda drug in the second act. But the music, as expected, was “kick ass” (to borrow a phrase from a local musician who shall remain nameless for the moment). Towards the end, he (and by he I mean the character) got discouraged and the whole crowd had to sing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” to him to provide Kanye with the extra strength to make it home. And he did. And there were fireworks and Chris Martin vocal samples and it was great. Kanye really is one of my favorite musicians in the world, and it was great to get the chance to see him live. The “Hey Mama” part was sad, but “Stronger” and “Homecoming” and “Touch the Sky” ended it on a high note.

So there’s the actual concert review. I feel as if I should break this thing into several posts because it’s so long, but I don’t feel like doing anymore real work at work, so here’s some Odds and Ends from the show:

- Don’t be fooled into thinking that the LBJ Library is close to the Frank Erwin Center and therefore a good place to park. It’s not. Just a warning. And I think its actually further when it’s 11:30 at night and you’ve just been dancing for like three hours straight.

- I saw maybe two “celebrities.” The first was Vince Young, who occupied one of the sky boxes behind us. People seemed more excited to see him than any of the acts there. Didn’t you people go to football games? And why was he dressed like M.C. Hammer? The second celebrity was Scott Porter, maybe. He plays Jason Street on Friday Night Lights, which is pretty much the best show ever and I’m well aware that I’m the only person who watches it. He’s going to be in the new Speed Racer movie for what it’s worth. Anyway I’m pretty sure it was him. As MPrint said, there was a 99.9% chance that it was him, which are the odds of a pregnancy test, which are pretty accurate. So the two former quarterbacks from two of my favorite football teams were there! Yay!

- I was not impressed by the person sitting next to me. He kept telling me to scoot over, which I couldn’t because it was A FUCKING CONCERT and there were OTHER PEOPLE THERE that were not named him and their worlds DID NOT REVOLVE AROUND HIM even though he probably had his own gravitational field. So I’m nice, I try not to bump into him, but the few times he gets up, he is bumping all over me, and not in that fun sexy sort of way. And he had more room to scoot down on his side than we did. What a fat dick. And he smelled like a fart.

- They were giving away little Kanye books after the show. I did not get one. I don’t know how I feel about this. I did get a litter bag. It said “Litter is For Cats.” Hipster douches!

- I have compiled a scientific pie chart that provides a demographic breakdown of the concert-goers last night:

All I’m sayin’ is that it will probably be more diverse at the Kenny Chesney concert tonight.

- Staying out ’till about 1:00 on a scho–I mean work–night ain’t what it used to be. College Me: “I have a test tomorrow morning but who cares! Kanye and Taco Cabana!” Current Me: “I’m going to get heartburn if I eat this late.”

So there’s my thoughts on the concert. A good time was had by all!